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TOEFL -advices from senior people are more valuable than from people at our age


jamie3160003 1 / 1  
Jul 1, 2014   #1
We all received many advices from others that can help us reach our goals through the right direction. There is no doubts that advices are very powerful and helpful. Some claim that advices from older people are crucial because it come from true experience; others might say that suggestions from friends are acceptable and doable due to the same environment. Personally, I think that advices from older people are more valuable for me to adjust myself and to accomplish my tasks.

Just like Isaac Newton saying "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants".
Older people can teach us to do things in the right way, because they have already experience the journey that we will go. Those experiences can help us avoid making the same mistakes again. For example, my math teacher in junior high school always knew which lessons were confusing for most students. Because he was a student too, he knew the struggle of learning and solving the math problems. Therefore, he was able to list common mistakes that students would probably make, so we can prevent repeating those same errors.

In addition, senior people can easily look into our situation and find out the pivotal point of our problems. It means they can give us insightful opinion about our circumstances. For instance, my parents always are able to help me out when I was struggling in difficulties. I broke up with my girlfriend 3 years ago, and I felt so gloomy about my future. At that time, my mom through my unusual behaviors found out that I was end up the relationship with my girlfriend, though I didn't say anything to her. Then she taught how to face the frustration and how to through the dark. And it was really helpful for me to ease my sorrow and to think optimistically.

Admittedly, we share similar experience with our friends at same age. Opinions from our peers are acceptable, and we might feel more comfortable to exchange opinion with our friends. However, advices from peers are hypothetical and there is no clues whether if those opinions are helpful. For example, when I was a high school student, I liked to discuss physics with my friend John. Although, his advices for me to learn Newtonian mechanic were logical and seemed helpful to himself, I could not improve my physics exams no matter how hard I tried his method. In contrast, after I went to cram school learning physics through a seasoned teacher, I noticed that there were so many basic concepts I didn't know. Finally, I felt really grateful to that teacher, because he not only found out my weakness parts in physics, but also he taught me how to overcome the obstacles by practicing drills that he invent through his 10 years teaching experience. In short, advices from people have its own value, but, as discussed above, I deem that advices from senior people are more valuable than people at our age.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 1, 2014   #2
Well .... it is important that you include your prompt in the post for us to get a better understanding about it and help you write an essay that fulfills its requirements. Next time please include the prompt :)

There is no doubtsdoubt(or - there are no doubts) that advices advice aregiven by other people is very powerful and helpful.
OP jamie3160003 1 / 1  
Jul 1, 2014   #3
Thanks for reminding me to include the prompt.
The prompt is "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place."
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 25, 2014   #4
This contains 501 words. Is the essay written in 30 minutes?

Just like Isaac Newton saying "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants".

direct quote might be acceptable. However, it is nicer if you could paraphrase it.

avoid making

Write "prevent" making, instead of avoid making. Write it with academic tone.

The first thing the readers see is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then they immediately know your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 24, 2014   #5
Thanks for reminding me to include the prompt.
The prompt is "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place."

I feel you have uploaded a wrong topic for this essay .... I cannot find any relevance between that and what you have written below;

We all received many advices from others that can help us reach our goals through the right direction. There is no doubts that advices are very powerful and helpful. Some claim that advices from older people are crucial because it come from true experience; others might say that suggestions from friends are acceptable and doable due to the same environment. Personally, I think that advices from older people are more valuable for me to adjust myself and to accomplish my tasks.

You have written about advice received from senior people and the people of your age, but the topic you've quoted in the latter post is something very different to that :(

Admittedly, we share similar experience with our friends at same agethe people of same age more or less share similar experiences and emotional feelings. Opinions from our peers are acceptable, and also we mightdo feel more comfortable to exchange opinionexpress our feelings, opinions and ideas with our friends. However, advicesadvice from peers are hypotheticalmay lack maturity compared to the ones given by experienced senior people.and there is no clues whether if those opinions are helpful.


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