ielts task2 The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

There is no doubt about that wildlife habitats are being destroyed and whole species of animals are on the verge of disappearance due to human activities on land as well as water. This essay will not solely highlight what are the reason behind this issue it will also provide some potential measure to resolve it.

There are two main reason why animals are disappearing. Firstly, in many parts of the world trees are being cut down to make a way for farmland on which to grow crops and keep animals. Such agriculture practices involve clearing huge plots of land inhabited by local fauna, resulting in the loss of habitats for the native animals. Secondly, over fishing is also responsible for the destruction of aquatic life as many fishermen prioritize profits to the detriments of the diversity of species. Many fish and other rare marine forms of life are trapped, which reduces biodiversity and has a devastating effect on the food chain of wildlife species. These circumstances are causing a considerable amount of damage to animal species.

Some solutions can be adopted to improve this situation. One approach is the implementation of hi-tech machinery and other technology breakthrough in the cultivation activities. Seeds with higher crop yield can be grown while powerful tractor can be applied to p lough the field in speedy manner, resulting in higher output and productivity and thus a lower demand for clearing more land for crop planting. Another measure is that government should impose strict fishing regulation, setting a limit of the catch fish or restricting access to aquatic areas with great biodiversity. This ensures that other wild sea animals would not be destroyed in the process

In conclusion, this essay highlighted that reasons behind this happening are deforestation and over fishing moreover this essay also represented that solutions to this issue are twofold enhancing technology related to cultivation and implementing laws pertaining to fishing which have been exemplified in the above paragraphs.

Rather than using a numerical ordinal in your presentation, use a transition sentence, that connects the two reasons in the presentation, instead. You could have said something like:

Just as over logging has affected the the flora and fauna on land, so has over fishing changed the lives and environment of the marine creatures. Over fishing is responsible...

Did you see how I used the transition sentence to strengthen the connection of your first topic to the second? This is the type of paragraph presentation that would help to increase your C&C score as the connecting sentence helps to tie the discussion together. Conciseness is represented by the reason the two topics are related (over logging and overfishing) and coherence is related to the environment discussion (changing habitat on both sides). Try to incorporate such transitions in your paragraphs. Trust me, it will definitely help increase the GRA and C&C score of your essay.

Try to use more alternative words for the keywords int he presentation. You did not change the words

animal species - species of animals (It is still considered cut and paste because you still used the same words from the prompt)

human activities on land - Same reason will be applied, cut and paste of the original phrase.

You will lose points in the LR section because you failed to show a more extended vocabulary and knowledge of synonyms in your writing.

Good discussion though. You just need to practice more and focus on correcting the errors I pointed out here. Don't forget to improve your writing style as suggested as well.