I would argue that teaching children at home can help children to resolve their problem swiftly

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Some people think that to create the best children's development can be obtained by teaching them at home. Others, however, think that school plays a vital role towards pupils. I am strongly believe that these methods have its own benefits for children.

Expanding knowledge for students can be actually done at home. One possible good point is teachers are able to be more focused on teaching and finding out obstacles for each individual, since they only educate a few students. Another merit is children have a considerable amount of time, and they can choose personally when they are ready to accept scientific or linguistic subjects. It is because children cannot be forced to concentrate all subjects in certain time according to a psychologist, Stuart Mark. He reveals that children experience to have less concentration at 11 am - 1 pm. Consequently, it is a difficult time for teaching them at the time.

On the contrary, pupils who study at school should spend their time from 7 am to 12 pm or even more. It differs from boarding house students. However, they still get some advantages, such as brush up on social skill. I believe that it is one of development activities to socialize with their peers, and they cannot afford this at home. Another strength is pupils can build their competition sense at school since they are trained to develop their mindset in the future careers.

In conclusion, I would argue that teaching children at home can help children to resolve their problem swiftly and improve their learning ability by raising their concentration at certain time. However, studying at school can also enhance their social skill and establish a sense of competition towards students. (283)

Septia, are you in a rush or what? It seems to me that your introduction is too simple. You cannot reach more than 5 if you didn't give outline of your ideas in the introductory paragraph. If you see this sentence "I am strongly believe that these methods have its own benefits for children." , it will trigger some questions to the reader. Benefits? what are the benefits? is it truly beneficial? or is it just an assumption that it "might" be beneficial?. Let me help you adding an additional sentence that is appropriate for an outline.

Thus, this essay will discuss, first, teacher focus is enhanced in homeschooling, and second, social skill will be improved when the children study at school.

I would say that actually, your conclusion has stated clearly about the outline of your ideas. Then why didn't do the same thing on the introduction? Therefore, I hope that you can compose a better essay by considering the above-mentioned feedback. :)

Hello I have been finished read your essay this is my opinion for your writing.

first, you must remember in part one you should write at least 150 until 165 words.
second, you must using various sentence or words, and attention your grammar and speeling.
overall must put in introduce, don' input number in first paragraph.

Secondly, you have to focus on how to develop the idea coherently, i mean here is the way you arrange the structures of your sentences are not looked like academic-written style. This is due to the fact that you did not put order to your sentence. The first body paragraph is the perfect example for this, it is far better if you explain the idea of academic pressure in the first, the followed by second, and third to simplify that you really arrange your sentence orderly.