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IELTS Task 2: Argument on whether economic progress is the most important goal of governments

YuAnne 3 / 6 1  
Jul 23, 2017   #1
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

different progress values

It is crucial for many governments to devote to economic development first, while some individuals believe that other kinds of progress have equal values. My view is that governments cannot develop economy without paying attention to some other aspects such as environmental protection and public education.

Some governments may believe that high-level economic achievement can be a foundation of other types of development. First of all, there will be increasing funding in the construction of basic facilities. As a result, more schools and hospitals can be built in communities so that it will be more available for children to receive education and for patients to see the doctor. Besides, a stable growth of economy can provide more job opportunities and higher salaries for employers, with which people will live in a rich and comfortable life.

However, it is too narrow to focus on economic progress only. Some people suggest that governments should devote equally to other areas. For example, environmental protection is one thing that cannot be ignored at any moment. Once there is air pollution, habitat destruction or extinction of wild animals, it will be hard to solve those problems and money may be useless. The education of legal and moral principles is important in the same way. If people become rich but violate the laws and rules according to their own wills, the stability and safety of the whole society can no longer exist.

In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop economy so that more funding can be provided to the government and people earn more money to live a better life. However, I believe that other aspects play important roles in the society as well, so they should be paid more attention to and developed equally.

Thanks for reading my essay!
I am not very sure about the point in the third graph and I really look for your suggestion. Thank you!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Jul 23, 2017   #2
Zhou, it is unacceptable for you to present your point of view in the opening statement. That is not allowed because the opening statement is only supposed to serve as the topic outline for the forthcoming body paragraph discussions. No information may be presented there because the examiner will be looking for task accuracy as well as cohesiveness and cohesion in the presentation. The latter cannot be developed in the first paragraph due to the limited sentence allotment.

It is important that you limit your ideas to one discussion per paragraph in order to gain a better overall score. In your first paragraph, the presentation of the discussion is not smooth because you first discuss funding for public facilities then suddenly, you discuss work, salary, and employment towards the end. There are 3 ideas being discussed in a single paragraph, which represents a lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your discussion. This is a trait that is constant in all the paragraphs you created. Including your conclusion.

Going back to your opening statement, please present one point of view as a separate sentence. This will help you to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement and also show your task accuracy skills and English comprehension skills. Your concluding statement should represent the reverse of the opening statement. Meaning, it should summarize the discussion as you presented it in the essay instead of the original paraphrased prompt.

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