Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
the importance of economy
While there are a lot of countries that only aimed for economic developments, there is a portion of people who say there are a lot of aspects for a country to count it as a strong one. Both points of views shall be discussed along with my own ideas about the subject.
On one hand, in today's world, money plays an important role. From the government's perspective, a great economy will give them the power to prepare better lifestyle for their own people. For instance, countries that have a good economy, their citizen's are happier than other countries.
On the other hand, there are a lot of other aspects involve, namely; healthcare, sports, and culture. There are people that argue these types of development is as crucial as the economic one. Because the economic itself does not guarantee the well being of citizen's life. For example, there are countries that have a lot of resources but spend all of it for wrong purposes, like war missiles.
Lastly, in my own opinion, a good economy can give advantages to the country. In fact, it is a leverage that can be used in international talks or to prepare a wonderful healthcare system for their people. It is the matter of how to use the resources, whether care about the citizens or not.
In conclusion, both points of view about the importance of economy were discussed, in addition to my personal view on the subject, which is, even though economics is the most important aspect of a country, it is also important how to use it.
While there are ..., there is a ... who say there are ... : you used "There are/is" 3 times, try to write it in a different way.
Both points of views
shall be discussed ... : will
... aspects involve, namely; healthcare, ... : you should use "such as"
Lastly, in my own opinion, a good economy can give advantages to the country: of course, but you should emphasize that in your point of view the economy progress is the most important goal of a country.
In conclusion, both points of view about the importance of economy were discussed: you should restate the important discussion points from your presentation
I hope these corrections can help you:)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,698 3502
@just_writer Of course I won't give up on you. I am going to keep helping you and providing constructive feedback until you take and (I do not doubt that you will) pass the IELTS test. The sample sheet is a good way to practice for the test. Just don't let it get the better of you because, in that almost exam testing center situation, you will have a tendency to lose your head and in the process, panic when the time comes to write the essay. Now, on to the review of your work in this essay.
Reading your essay, it seems to me that you have more to say, but you are holding back. Don't do that. Complete your discussion. Aim to present the complete 5 sentence presentation so that you can fully develop your examples and explanations. In each paragraph, you seem to have at least 2 more sentences to present. Don't let the opportunity to improve your GRA and C&C scores go by. Most of your discussions need further development. That is why I am saying that you are wasting the opportunity. In each paragraph try to present the following:
1. Topic sentence (Only one per paragraph)
2. Reason 1
3. Supporting sentence 1
4. Supporting sentence 2
By using the aforementioned format, you will be able to fully explain your thought process in the paragraph. This is the aim of the GRA and C&C scoring sections. That is why there is a 5 sentence maximum as well. You can easily defend the pros and cons in every paragraph using the format I just gave you. It allows you the opportunity to fully allow yourself to achieve the maximum possible score in the 2 scoring considerations. If you can improve your paragraph presentations, then your ability to gain a higher score is also increased.