IELTS writing task 2 - Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are...

Hello, could you please rate my work?

"Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience."

Globally, considering how convenient and accessible technology is today, there is an increase in the number of kids studying from home, and a lot of adults are working from home too. I strongly believe this is a positive upgrade, because it is more efficient and accessible.

I think that working from home is an improvement, because people can work in a more comfortable environment, without the stress they can experience from traffic, if they are driving to work, or from overcrowded public transport, without mentioning the fact that it is cheaper. Working from home is also more efficient compared to working in an office, and this is supported by a lot of studies that was taken during the pandemic, when working from home faced an enormous growth.

I also think that studying from home is beneficial for a lot of children, because there are a lot of regions in the world where access to education can be a challenge, especially in less developed countries, where kids sometime have to walk hours to reach the nearest school: in cases like these, technology is essential for these students to attend lectures. For example, I recently read an article on how a big laptops donation to an African country helped hundreds of adolescents that were living far away from school.

To conclude, I am a strong supporter of both working and studying from home, because it leads to higher productivity and better working conditions, and gives the chance to study to kids that would not be able to under normal circumstances.

Try to avoid the use of the same words or phrases from the original prompt. That is because you are being scored on your ability to use alternative thought presentations and word equivalents in the restatement paragraph. Your LR and TA score will rely heavily on your originality when it comes to delivering the information in your own words.

The opinion statement came in quite strong. Then lost its convincing power in the body paragraphs. Never say, "I think" because this is a single opinion essay that requires you to deliver strong evidence of your belief in your own opinion. The alternative "I believe", "I am convinced", or "I am certain", to name but a few alternatives, can be used instead.

Remember that the concluding summary needs to be delivered within 2 sentences at the least. Do not risk losing points in the GRA section just because you wrote a run-on sentence for the conclusion.