IELTS Essay: Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects

Task: Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at high school.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My answer:

Nowadays, more and more parents would like to send their children to attend some extra-curricular lessons such as painting, drawing, dancing etc. On the other hand, some people don't feel such art classes important to other subjects as maths, chemistry, physics and so on. Hence, it might be a tricky question if the art classes are still essential at school.

In fact, I think we should keep these art classes and I will take this question into three aspects: personal interests, learning environment and education structure.

Firstly, schools are the place for students not only to learn new knowledge but also to cultivate their own interests, especially for some students with an art gift. For example, one of the famous Mandarin pop singers, Jay Chou was no good at the academic subjects when he was in high school. However, he was pretty interested in writing songs, from which he could express what he felt. If the art classes were cancelled at his high school, he might not have a chance to learn the basic music theories, which helped him to pursue a music career in an art school after he graduated from high school. Hence, keeping the art classes is necessary for sure.

Secondly, in order to enter a good college or university, students at high school normally feel much nervous and competitive. With some art classes, it would be a unique opportunity to relax, which is more efficient for students to learn. Such as some hand-made works provide a place for students to get off their academic study.

Thirdly, there is not just one way to success. Different subjects play the equivalent role in one student's academic pursue. If all high schools only provide academic classes, students with diversified backgrounds won't exist in the end.

All in all, I believe art classes are as important as other subjects and should be expelled from high school's compulsory subjects.

(319 words)

Point 1: According to the IELTS, you should use paragraphs logically and precisely. You have discussed in 3 paragraphs , but they are not in same size. That can hurt your score. You need to describe every aspect equally with supporting details and examples (Like every mother cares her every child ha ha) ( Coherence and cohesion)

Point 2: I got your opinion unclear. At first, you told "In fact, I think we should keep these art classes". In the end, "should be expelled from high school's compulsory subjects.(Task response)

"----> Dangerous mistake
Point 3: using "won't","don't" is too casual in IELTS Academic writing.
Point 4: Use another linking words( Not nowadays, firstly, secondly, thirdly). These does not include variety.
Point 4: Check your essay grammatically (Actually here I just talked about quality. I did not find accuracy. You should check it out)

And I hope you should read this article.
And ya I cannot estimate your band score ( not so experienced )

The essay that you wrote does not respond in any way to the provided discussion question. Let's do a comparison below:

OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: it might be a tricky question if the art classes are still essential at school.

Further creating a prompt deviation in your response is the following, irrelevant stand alone sentence:
In fact, I think we should keep these art classes and I will take this question into three aspects: personal interests, learning environment and education structure.

These prompt deviations will show the examiner that your answer is unrelated to the question or task. That means your TA score will automatically the second to the lowest score because the answer is not responsive to the task. You have just assured yourself of getting a failing score in the overall consideration. All because you failed in the most important scoring aspect of the presentation. The one related to English comprehension skills. You failed to understand the question and thus, failed to properly respond to it as well.