Art, music, and drama should be a part of curriculum

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

Children's: Our Future
Nowadays kids are raises differently than before and lot of people think that subject such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of every child's education and also same of them thing that is a waste of time. Honesty I think that study this subjects could be the best thing what we can give to our children. This essay will explore why I thing that subject such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

First of all, we all living in a world where we are rush all the time and we do not have time for relaxation and pleasure and the only time where we can do this is the time where we are children's. In early age, education it is very important and studied subject such as art, music, and drama is the basics for adolescence. I have to say that study this subjects can help our children to develop their brain and their mind what it is necessity later in life.

Second, our children's are the future in the world and we should give them all best to make them strong and happy. But the most important is that we have to start when they are young and studying subject like art, music, and drama it is one of the basics to make our children's satisfied and pleased. Don't you think? I strongly believe that is amazing thing what we can give to our children's. For example, many science proved that art, music, and drama have a big impact for our children and make them happy and strong.

In conclusion, these are the reasons why I strongly agree that subject such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

.... This line has two main issues; It has some grammar errors and it is too lengthy that affects the clarity of your sentence. Also it is confusing and does not deliver any clear idea :(

kids raise/ kids are raising


I believe that education is the best thing that we can give to our children.


why I think

Hi Dumi
Thank you very much for your reply and correction. I make same changes in my first sentence and if you can please look at it.

Nowadays people mentality are different than before and some of them think that subjects such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of curriculum for every child. Additionally they think that it is waste of time.

Monikamirka

Nowadays kids are raises differently than before and lot of people think that subject such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of every child's education and also same of them thing that is a waste of time.

Nowadays kids are raises differently than before. Mostly people think that subject such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of every child's education. However, some of them thing thit is a waste of time.

First of all, we all living in a world where we are rush all the time and we do not have time for relaxation and pleasure and the only time where we can do this is the time where we are children's.

First of all, we are living in a world where we rush all the time. We do not have time for relaxation, pleasure. In simpler term ( As a consequence ) the only time where we can do this is the time where we are children's.

The only conjunction for your essay is 'but' and 'and' . 'And' makes your sentences lengthy and do not let us breath during them.
Use than Due to / As a result of / Owing to / However ...

Hello aria8111
Thanks for the feedback. It is very helpful for me.

... people had different psychologies right from the beginning of evolution. So let's say this a bit differently;
People have different perceptions about what subjects that a school curriculum should include. Some of them argue that subjects such as art, music and drama are important to be included in the curriculum while some people feel that they do not have any value addition to the curriculum.