To be an athlete is the dream for many - the famous sporty stars usually have an impressive income

Write about the following topic:

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discus both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

To be an athlete is the dream of lots children, and one of reasons is that the famous sporty stars usually have fertile income. However, it is very controversial that these successful sports players earn such great amount of money. In my opinion, I think it is fair enough.

Firstly, some people think this phenomenon leads to bad influence on teenagers. The great gap between the income of sports professionals and the other professionals seems to courage the youth to incline being the former one. What's more, the benefits of successful sports players are not only the money but also the reputation. Being sports professionals seems a shortcut toward an enviable life. These factors make an imbalance between the athlete and other occupations.

On the other side, I suppose people should realize that it is not easy to become successful sports players. It needs numerous practices and gifted talent. Before being famous sports players, they have to tolerate strict training and low income. For instance, in my country-Taiwan, an ordinary athlete earns lower than the average income, and most of them need the sponsors from the public and the companies so as to compete the games aboard. Next, compare to the other career, the athlete has short career life. Because most of the sports need physical power, it is hard to maintain the energy when you are aging. In order that, they have short period can earn the money.

To sum up, in the short term, people may think the successful sports players earn more than they should. Nevertheless, we should consider it, in the long term, seems reasonable for them to have a great number of money.

Here are some corrections from what I read.
1. I think the best way to start that is "Being an athlete is every child's dream".
2.In the second paragraph, u should write "there's a great gap between the income of sport professionals and other professions which favours the later, this discourages youths from wanting to become sport professionals".

Arlen, your task accuracy, which is related to the paraphrasing of the prompt scores a 3. You presented most of the prompt points but failed to give an accurate summary or paraphrasing of the instructions within your opening statement. That's too bad because the mistake was ever so slight but ended up changing the meaning of the prompt so your score suffered for it. However, you were still able to properly discuss the correct prompt within your essay.

Now for your cohesion and coherence, your presentation is clear enough to show that you are capable of analyzing the proper discussion progression for this essay. So I believe that you can get a decent 6 even though there are problems with the cohesion in your sentences and also terminology use is often faulty within your paragraphs.

As for the lexical resource, it has got to be another 6. You are trying to use complicated vocabulary to show off your English language skills but your lack of familiarity with the meaning of the words poses a problem for you. An example of this would be when you use the term "courage" when what you really wanted to say was "encourage". Courage is is the ability to do something even though it frightens you. Encourage means that one wishes to support, give confidence, or hope to a person. Which is what you wanted to say in the sentence.

Grammar range and accuracy is definitely affected by your problems in lexical resource. I will give you a score of 5 in this instance because the difficulty in trying to understand what you want to say could cause some problems for the readers. When the reader has to constantly, silently correct your grammar as he reads your work means that reading your paper causes undue stress and difficulty. That is what caused the low score for you.