Australia and France comparison in terms of electricity production by different fuel resources

electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The presented pie charts compare between Australia and France in terms of electricity production by different resources of fuel in 1980 and 2000.

It can be seen that natural gas was no longer an essential source of electricity in Australia and France in 2000, Although it accounted for 20, 25 of the total electricity production respectively.

Coal was considered by Australia to be a major asset to produce electricity. As in 1980, it made up 50% of total produced electricity. Furthermore, Australia chose to rely on it more in 2000 since it took up nearly three-quarters of the total production.

France major fuel sources to generate electricity were coal and natural gas with 25 units by each. But in 2000, it made a considerable change by choosing nuclear power to be the essential source for electricity as it produced 126 out of 2000 units of electricity.

Although oil was as an important source in France as it generated 25 units in 2000, In Australia, it was barely noticeable when in the same year it generated only 2 units of electricity.

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I think it is better to make it only three paragraphs to make it easy and straightforward for the examiner
1- Introduction (That contains 2- a clear overview)
2- A paragraph to compare the figures of Australia and France in 1980
3- in 2000

You have not given much thought to the analysis of the given information. These are all under developed paragraph presentations. You have not met the long and short sentence requirement of the essay. You have only written run-on sentences, which resulted in questionable, rather than clear, analytical presentations of the information from the image. You must always write at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. With only 180 words written, you still had the opportunity to further analyze and report on the given information. In other words, your report summary could have been better presented. Try to write at least 200 words next time to help increase your overall score. It isn't enough that you can present the data directly to the reader, you need to be able to better explain the information and expand on it where required as well.

I think you didn't need to split up into lots of paragraphs. Instead merge the relevant information into one paragraph.
Moreover, you should add linking words between paragraphs. For example, after the introduction sentence, adding "Overall" will make your idea clearer.