Hi, this is my essay, thanks for your assessment in advance. Would you mind focusing on assessing my word choice, task achievement, grammar, coherence and cohesion?
ESSAY
In the contemporary world, many people endeavor to balance the trade-off between work and other aspects of lives, but only a minority achieves this balance. This imbalance entails disastrous impacts, so some measures should be done to address the problems.
On the one hand, balancing between work and other parts of life portends grave consequences. First of all, this issue can increase the risks to both the physical and psychological health of workers. To be more specific, people who immerse in working spend less time taking care of themselves and restlessly keep their eyes glued to computer screens, thereby having headache, sore eyes and exhaustion. Moreover, when people overwork to a certain extent, people may lose a sense of job satisfaction and therefore descend into a state of job obsession and stress. Consequently, they could be indifferent and perpetuate to isolate themselves from society. Ultimately, their network of relationships will be detrimentally affected, for they disregard the time for family gatherings and socialization.
On the other hand, some actions should be done to mitigate the aforementioned problems. In terms of legality, government should impose employment laws regarding the rational time frame employees work for and promotion. Furthermore, employees are supposed to build a gymnasium or health center for staff to strengthen their health and diagnose their psychological problems if necessary. Another approach is encouraging the people to take time out to have a rest as they feel overwhelmed with work. Hence, before they resume work, they can have much chance to discover themselves and enjoy leisure pursuits, so they can be more focused, less burnt out and sustainable in the long run.
In conclusion, work and life balance is so difficult that not many people attain this due to some particular reasons. Anyways, some effective solutions should be proposed to alleviate the difficulty.
work and life balance
ESSAY
In the contemporary world, many people endeavor to balance the trade-off between work and other aspects of lives, but only a minority achieves this balance. This imbalance entails disastrous impacts, so some measures should be done to address the problems.
On the one hand, balancing between work and other parts of life portends grave consequences. First of all, this issue can increase the risks to both the physical and psychological health of workers. To be more specific, people who immerse in working spend less time taking care of themselves and restlessly keep their eyes glued to computer screens, thereby having headache, sore eyes and exhaustion. Moreover, when people overwork to a certain extent, people may lose a sense of job satisfaction and therefore descend into a state of job obsession and stress. Consequently, they could be indifferent and perpetuate to isolate themselves from society. Ultimately, their network of relationships will be detrimentally affected, for they disregard the time for family gatherings and socialization.
On the other hand, some actions should be done to mitigate the aforementioned problems. In terms of legality, government should impose employment laws regarding the rational time frame employees work for and promotion. Furthermore, employees are supposed to build a gymnasium or health center for staff to strengthen their health and diagnose their psychological problems if necessary. Another approach is encouraging the people to take time out to have a rest as they feel overwhelmed with work. Hence, before they resume work, they can have much chance to discover themselves and enjoy leisure pursuits, so they can be more focused, less burnt out and sustainable in the long run.
In conclusion, work and life balance is so difficult that not many people attain this due to some particular reasons. Anyways, some effective solutions should be proposed to alleviate the difficulty.
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