It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off before going to university.

12 months break from school

While some students decide to learn at universities after graduating from high schools, there are more and more people who want to have a gap year before going to University. Although it is likely to bring about many benefits, I suppose that the drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, there are several reasons leading to the decision of learning delay. The first one is because many students such as Vietnamese ones, have been swamped with a huge amount of knowledge so a year off to relieve stress from studying will help them balance their life. Another explanation for this trend is that some people tend to find a suitable job to prepare enough money for years at college. For instance, living expenses in major cities is extremely expensive, a truth that explains why many students coming from rural areas must take part-time job to meet their basic needs.

On the other hand, the disadvantages of a gap year before college are varied. Firstly, most of students will forget the majority of knowledge because human's brains will fall into passive state after a long time it is not used to think about lessons. Moreover, if a student does not study for a year, he or she will graduate from university late than friends and finding a job opportunity for that student will become more difficult in the future as a consequence.

In conclusion, despite some benefits in terms of relaxation or other demands, taking a year off before college life is not really necessary.

This is a rather good essay, in my opinion. Your structure is clear, so is your opinion. Your usage of linking devices is ok, you have given examples to support your points and your conclusion summarises the main points. Just watch out for any punctuation errors (you need to have a comma between "students" and "such as"). Good job :)

Dat, it would have been of greater benefit to you if you had posted the original prompt that you are responding to, as well that the response that you wrote. At this point, while your essay seems well written to the untrained eye, a highly trained contributor sees potential problems with your presentation. Problems that can only be addressed by knowing what the original prompt is. Since you did not provide a copy of that, the best review that you can be given is a general one, which does not really help you improve your writing style in this essay discussion format but will at least, help you to realize your problem points on a general basis.

All of the ideas that you present in your paragraphs are not completely developed. These are only inferences of a discussion but not a full discussion as is always required by these essays. The reason behind that are the multiple discussions that you provide in the paragraphs. While you are doing your best to show off your knowledge regarding the issue, what the examiner is really looking is your ability to present a line of reasoning, and the ability to support that reasoning in complete English sentences. So the rule of thumb is only one topic per paragraph in order to present a coherent and cohesive discussion.

Your concluding statement continued to introduce a new topic for discussion in relation to the given topic. Therefore, you presented a new paragraph instead of a closing statement. Simply stating "In conclusion" does not create a concluding paragraph if the parameters of the paragraph are not represented. A proper conclusion represents a prompt restatement, a summary of the discussion provided, and a repetition of your personal opinion when required. Under no circumstances are you allowed to present new information in a concluding statement because you do not have the room for paragraph development of a new topic in the concluding paragraph.