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IELTS, Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular


phuoc 7 / 13 4  
Nov 1, 2013   #1
Please comment on my essay below. Thanks

Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.

What are your opinions in this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Modern and busy society makes fast food become more and more popular. Debates on whether this is a good or bad tendency has been a controversial topic. However despite its negative points, I believe fast food bring us more benefits.

Most people considered fast food as junk food, unbalance diet and unhealthy as compare to food made at home or in restaurants, thus discouraging its development. In fact, people having this food on a regular basis are likely to have health problem. For instance, high saturated-fat, large amount of calories and low fiber intake when having burgers for a long time will cause high risk of heart diseases and diabetes. In addition, competitions between these quick serve and take away restaurants drive them to make tastier fattier food to satisfy customer appetite regardless of its nutrition.

Despite these facts, I believe that that fast food are extremely convenient, cheap, filling and can be made healthier. A better burger can be processed by using good quality oil, mayonnaise, lean meat, light cheese and a variety of veggies. Different burger options such as less fat, salty, lean meat and more vegetable will also help people with dietary concerns. Moreover, new fast food dishes that are healthier, more balance and good nutrition should be investigated to meet the need of informed customers.

To conclude, although fast food is considered not as nutritious as restaurant or home meals, as far as I am concerned, it can be created healthier and more optional, its popularity also help us buy it almost everywhere and every time thus should be developed.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 1, 2013   #2
Most people considered fast food as junk food, unbalance diet and unhealthy as compare to food made at home or in restaurants, thus discouraging its development.

Well, your prompt does not ask you to discuss these two views. And you have chosen to defend fast foods. So, what you must do in the body paragraphs is that defending your position. In this body paragraph you discuss about the opposite view which does not contribute anything to justify your position in the argument. Had you taken a moderate view on the argument, then it is ok to discuss both views. If you support one particular side, you need to justify that position in your body paragraphs.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Nov 2, 2013   #3
A better burger can be processed by using good quality oil, mayonnaise, lean meat, light cheese and a variety of veggies. ..

This part of your essay is off - topic. You should have explained why the popularity of fast food is a positive trend such as it saves time or how convenient it is instead of how to make a burger or fast food in general more nutritious.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 6, 2013   #4
Modern and busy society makes fast food become more and more popular.

.... this sentence has grammar issues;
Modern and busy society depends on fast food for efficient and convenient solution for preparing food. Therefore fast foods are becoming increasingly popular.
Your essay introduction follows the appropriate structure. However, you need to improve its presentation.

although fast food is considered not as nutritious as restaurant or home meals,

....no need to mention about restaurant food
although fast food is considered as not nutritious as the home food
Overall, you follow the appropriate structure. Just pay more attention to grammar, vocabulary and presentation.


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