I believe that both classmates and parents have considerable influence on children

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

In line with development of children, interaction between them and their around environment is concerned by people, because it decides potential child's success in school, in life generally. People argue that child's success is significantly affected by their classmates more than their parents. However, in my point of view, I believe that both classmates and parents have considerable influence on this equally. This essay is going to outline the issue in detail.

First of all, in contemporary society nowadays, children seem spend much time in school, therefore they can share many things in common; such as age, lifestyle, opinion, etc to exchange views, and then easy get impact each others. For example, I have a friend whose name is Jay. At the beginning of each academic year, we set up our common goals, share our studying method and knowledge. In the end, we got high marks in every academic year and then graduated with good bachelor degrees.

Next, parents also play a key role in the development of children on being success. Indeed, motivation of children tend to come from parents' care. For example, if parent usually monitor progress of children in their study at school, guide them about future career and talk to them about how important of studying to help them thoroughly about the benefits, they will become a good person, a successful person.

In conclusion, a child's success depend on several factors. Among these factors, parents and classmates are outstanding elements. They help children get their goals and the best results in school.

I would appreciate someone can help me to value how bad and good it is

Thanks

...in my point of view..."you shoud say -IN MY OPINON - or - MY POINT OF VIEW IS ..-
"....bothe parets and classmtes have -EQUALLY -A considerable influence ..."

never say this"....this essay is going to..." is it a weak sentence

- you have to choose between " contemporary society or nowadays"

you can use " next" only when you describe a process. you can use instead " also , in addition..."

it is wrong to talk about the factors in the conclusion

I'm sorry but, there were a lot of mistakes in the first paragraph and I stopped reading it. I didn't mean to offend you if I come off that way. Sorry to state the obvious but, try to proofread it before getting other people to help you structurally/theoretically (in my opinion).

if you see the mistakes, help correct them!

Here we go:

Oh, wait a minute! I see that Kurogashi came through. Nice job, you are great!

I'll work on that version some more:

The years of a child involve interactions between them and their environment. One of the most important factors in their environment is the people around them. It is this factor that decides the academic success of a ...

Nowadays in contemporary societies, children seem to spend a lot of time in school; therefore, they ...

...the beginning of each year, a friend of mine and I share our common goals and study methods. And we consistently...

For example, if a parent who usually monitors the progress of a child in their studies, supports them in their future career, and talk to them about how important studying is, the child will one day become successful.

In conclusion, a child's success depends on several factors. But, a crucial factor has to be people and who can influence a child -- friends and family.

:-)