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Is it more beneficial to play sport in team than in individual? ielts writting task 2


nhuxuan 2 / 2  
Feb 24, 2019   #1

all sports bring great benefits



Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that team sports provide player with a wide range of benefits while others think that individual sports are much better. From my perspectives, I think both types of sports have their own benefits and it depends on what purpose people choose to play.

On the one hand, team sports give players opportunities to develop interpersonal skills such as teamwork and communication skills. These benefits not only help people in their day-to-day social interactions but also accelerate their career. Furthermore, team sports offer players the chance to strengthen sense of unity, friendship and sportsmanship between people in a team. In this sense, it really add value to people's live by making them feel a part of something.

On the other hand, individual sports have their own positive effects as well. Firstly, sports played by individuals like tennis or swimming have a profound impact on their personal skills. This means, through these kinds of sport, players are able to manage their emotions, cope with strains and build confidence and self-esteem. Secondly, people who play these sports tend to develop a strong mindset when they do their utmost and brainstorm in order to overcome any setbacks they may face. Finally, one-player sports provide better opportunity for people to challenge themselves by setting goal and achieve the payoff by their own efforts.

In conclusion, I believe that all sports bring great benefits for people's mental and physical health, and people should choose whatever sport they have passion for.

Hammy 13 / 33 6  
Feb 24, 2019   #2
there are 247 words in your essay and it doesn't have enough words for writing task 2 and i recommend you to reach 275 words as i know

beside, i see that the essay have a lack of evidences and you should prove the point you give, paraphrase it then give another point.

try to make your ideals clearly
Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Feb 25, 2019   #3
Nguyne, this is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay composed of the following:

1. Public Point of view 1 - Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams
2. Public Point of View 2 - while people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better
3. Personal Point of view - Based on your analysis or support of one of the two public points of view.

You have changed the total discussion instruction for this essay to a single point of view. A single point of view essay is only applicable to direct question responses. This prompt deviation can be clearly seen in your instruction paraphrase that explains:

From my perspectives, I think both types of sports have their own benefits and it depends on what purpose people choose to play.

when the actual discussion instruction is:

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The two points of view need to be discussed from a public perspective, not a personal understanding. By saying "On the one hand" and " On the other hand", along with "I think..." You created a personal rather that public comparison discussion for the whole essay. You should have said "One can understand why certain people would support" or "Thinking about the other group's opinion though..."

Regardless of the lack of word count, the essay would still fail because it did not follow the instructed discussion method which addresses the TA requirements.
OP nhuxuan 2 / 2  
Feb 25, 2019   #4
thanks a lot Holt for pointing out my mistakes. i appreciate and will improve my skills in writing


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