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IELTS TASK 2 benefits and drawbacks of mobile phone on society, technology and health

Paul16 5 / 7  
Jun 4, 2021   #1
There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones.

What forms do they take?

Do you agree the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits?

Over the past decades, technology has, generally, improved and got greater access to humankind than before. While the mobile phone is considered one of those most significant and useful innovations in the information age, varying people argue how people have been using phones recently can result in considerable drawbacks. This essay will point out various forms of those major issues and express the author's opinion.

Without a doubt, many substantial problems in terms of society, health and technology can be caused by mobile phones. To be specific, phones are popularly viewed as a primary means of communication due to their varying helpful features, which contributes to modern worsening society interaction such as forgetting how to talk with real humans. Furthermore, varied serious mental and psychological issues associated with modern users, for instance, poor eyesight, stressfulness and depression caused by radio waves undoubtedly lower people's productivity and efficiency in their studies and work. Lastly, as many users believe in the security technology, they decide to store their private data there, however, some brands produce dead phones and they do not even work out on the errors.

On the other hand, mobile phones significantly influence humans' life in the modern world. Firstly, they can support their users to correspond to worldwide people without boundaries of geography and time, to build new relationships and express emotions more easily with varied creative emojis and stickers on different social media platforms. Secondly, about medical issues, if users are educated to control their time spent viewing on small screens, they are unlikely to suffer from any illnesses, instead, playing games and listening to music on phones have already been reported to help relieve stress in schools and workplace. Most importantly, technology is also believed to be enhanced through the innovations of such devices since they would invest more in technological gadgets after seeing how profitable phone brands could become. With these advantages, the drawbacks of mobile phones are likely considered to be incomparable to how they help the future world.

In conclusion, this essay discusses various detailed issues and the reason why mobile phones would benefit people more greatly than how they could negatively affect people. It is also recommended that users should also control how much time they spend on small screens to stay out of problems.

Thank you, this is my first time posting and I am glad to hear your feedback and revisions. Thanks in advance!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Jun 5, 2021   #2
Your prompt restatement poses a discussion for a totally different essay. Your interpretation is nowhere near the original discusson topic, references and format. Your TA score will definitely be based on a failing one due to the unrelated topic and discussion format. An accurate restatement always all the original reference points in a manner that shows your understanding of the original presentation. You cannot change any reference points nor discussion style. The essay you present in the first paragraph is a prompt deviation that all but assures you of a final failing score.

Further reading of your presentation shows that you fully did not understand the discussion topic. Hence, the lack of direct and relevant response to the 2 direct questions. Though your presentation is long, the presentation is mostly not connected to the required discussion elements or, where relevant, are under developed in explanation.

You only needed to present 3 reasoning paragraphs of 5 sentences each to respond to the questions. It is your over analysis that brought your response to points where it is sometimes on topic , most of the time off- topic.

What I learned about you from your writing is that you are out to impress, which tends to make you try too hard with your responses when simple and direct answers are all that is required. My advice is this, simplicity of discussion will help go a long way in getting you a passing score when compared to a long-winded, sometimes wandering discussion.Stick to the required discussion points, Give direct responses at the start, and offer properly connected discussion topics per paragraph. Develop clear thoughts and cohesive reasons that connect the 3 suggested topics. Don't over- analyze, just offer an opinion.

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