Please help me point out some errors in my essay in IELTS Writing Task 2 and give me an expected band score for this mine. Thanks a lot.
THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE YOUTH CRIMES IS TO EDUCATE THEIR PARENTS WITH PARENTAL SKILLS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
There is a fact that the juvenile crime rate is rising dramatically in modern-day society. While providing their parents with parental techniques would be a useful measure for youth crime reduction, I disagree that it would represent the best way to alleviate crimes in this age group.
On the one hand, parents play an vital role in educating their young children to acquire good virtues. Because most children are impressionable, they are able to imitate their fathers and mothers who are the closest to them in what they usually do on a daily basis and it is easier for parents to convey positive and desired characteristics which help their kids be less likely to misbehave during their childhood. As a result, children will have a proper awareness about what they should behave in society when they mature enough. Thus, I believe that parents armed with parenting skills will promise a decline in the proportion of juvenile offences.
On the other hand, schools should also have a complementary role to play. The first reason is that some parents are so busy that they barely have time to learn necessary parental guidances and then educate their offspring. Besides, children have to spend the largest amount of time at school these days, and hence are more likely to be influenced by their teachers or friends. For example, in Vietnam, a large number of pupils hit other ones in schools mostly because their friends ask him or her do. Therefore, education about the consequences one may face when committing an offence should be included in the school curriculum and teachers are to be trained about young adult psychology to help their students manage negative peer pressure better.
To conclude with, providing parents with child-care skills is a good way to educate their young into decent people; however, I am of the opinion that both parents and schools have equally important roles in the effort of preventing youth crimes.
THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE YOUTH CRIMES IS TO EDUCATE THEIR PARENTS WITH PARENTAL SKILLS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
how to prevent youth crimes
There is a fact that the juvenile crime rate is rising dramatically in modern-day society. While providing their parents with parental techniques would be a useful measure for youth crime reduction, I disagree that it would represent the best way to alleviate crimes in this age group.
On the one hand, parents play an vital role in educating their young children to acquire good virtues. Because most children are impressionable, they are able to imitate their fathers and mothers who are the closest to them in what they usually do on a daily basis and it is easier for parents to convey positive and desired characteristics which help their kids be less likely to misbehave during their childhood. As a result, children will have a proper awareness about what they should behave in society when they mature enough. Thus, I believe that parents armed with parenting skills will promise a decline in the proportion of juvenile offences.
On the other hand, schools should also have a complementary role to play. The first reason is that some parents are so busy that they barely have time to learn necessary parental guidances and then educate their offspring. Besides, children have to spend the largest amount of time at school these days, and hence are more likely to be influenced by their teachers or friends. For example, in Vietnam, a large number of pupils hit other ones in schools mostly because their friends ask him or her do. Therefore, education about the consequences one may face when committing an offence should be included in the school curriculum and teachers are to be trained about young adult psychology to help their students manage negative peer pressure better.
To conclude with, providing parents with child-care skills is a good way to educate their young into decent people; however, I am of the opinion that both parents and schools have equally important roles in the effort of preventing youth crimes.
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