TOEFL: It is better to wait in patience than take action.

Is patience a better choice for it can contribute to more adequate preparation? While it is a little true that patience furnishes us with enough time to refine our decision, it ignores that taking action can really make access to the solution of problems more quickly, avoiding delay on some critical circumstance particularly.

First, it is wiser to take action soon when individuals are confronted with emergency. A research conducted by experts from the Ministry of Public Medical Service, aiming at find the relationship between rates of the death of cancer and the time when cancer discovered, demonstrated that 76.8% of the ultimate death is caused by the delay of the treatment, especially when patients have realized the aggravating condition but deny to take immediate action. The conclusion suggests that the longer wait means the smaller possibility of curing their diseases, since hosts of viruses proliferate at such an amazing speed that the progression of disease seems faster than what we will imagine, and sometimes, the agents in one tissue can be transferred to another part, giving rise to more touchy problems owing to the lack of timely control.

Moreover, when states encounter with the secure conflicts, actions must be taken immediately. It is known to all that the matters concerning territorial rights should not be negotiated. Taking action without delay can exert an influence to suppress the arrogant status of invaders, maintain the independence of own country and guarantee the normal development of national economics. Take the Battle of Pearl Island as an example. The US troops' instant response to Japan's invasion has corrupted Japan's ambition to conquer the Pacific Region, preventing wars from expanding, thereby bringing back the global tense of World War II. The event can also be deciphered as defend of the US territorial interests, and the post-war prosper in American economics can be attributed to the event. That's why the rapid action acts as an indispensible role in national affairs.

Last but not the least, the environmental problems render the whole society to get involved with at once. Since the side-effects of economic development and urbanization such as pollutant emission have posed threats to human beings, ever-urgent becomes the public's engagement into retarding the process. For example, Global warming, which results from carbon emission as well as serves as a catalyst of thawing in polar glaciers, formerly leads to the increase of sea level with 5 centimeters per year, but according to recent data from the UN climate summit, after the global law on restrict carbon emission was implemented, the increase has been curbed within 2 centimeters per year and predicted even lower in the future decade

As discussed above, instant action can serve as a catalyst in coping with issues regardless of individuals, countries, or the whole society, so I must concede that taking action is better than waiting in patience.

Diesel, can you please provide us with the actual prompt for this essay so that the basis of your response can be properly reviewed? Considering that this is a TOEFL and not a GRE essay I believe that your examples and discussion are too complex to be written an thoroughly discussed within 30 minutes. Normally, a TOEFL essay asks you to use personal experience of your readings as source material for the essay. In this case, the discussion is world-wide in scope and thus, cannot be accurately discussed within 30 minutes. I believe that your paper will benefit from a revision based upon something closer to home. Perhaps your experience with the results of waiting patiently instead of taking action during a particular time in your life. Discussing your personal reasons for your action and the resulting outcome could help create a more identifiable essay. Identifiable in the sense that your reasoning will appeal to the logic and common sense of the reader. This will make your essay easier to understand and give your opinion more credibility as opposed to discussing world related reasons that most people may not identify with or understand very well. You don't want your true opinion and point of view lost in the essay. I'd gladly help you with the revised essay if you choose to do so. However, my opinion and advice may very well change depending upon what I read in the essay prompt once you post it :-)

Your comment is really to the point, so I'd say thanks! In fact, I'm imposed to discuss the topic case by case because I'll feel painful to come up with 3 mutually exclusive subpoints(mostly cause of effect of the topic) to support my ideas sometimes. Maybe I'll just work out 2 inferior statements like "patience functions as security for better choice" and "patience can aviod mistakes" , and then lose the train of thought. In addition, when discussing case by case, I'm yearning for more persuasive proofs, so I'd like to focus on more expansive ones, such as international affairs, however, I've spent more than 2 hours on composing and revising my article since it is hard to describe the affairs properly, so vangiespen, I'm sincere to wait for your guidance.

Diesel, you are free to revise the essay any number of times that you wish to. However, I advice that you do it under time constraint in order to replicate the TOEFL time pressure essay test. You already know what my comments are about the general essay but until you remember to share the prompt or question the essay is asking you to answer,we will not be able to fully guide you in writing or revising this essay. So please remember to post the prompt alongside the new version of the essay that you will be posting in this thread.

Go ahead and write up a new essay based on your new ideas. We can compare the two versions and combine the best of both in order to develop a strong essay for you. That is, if the need to do so arises. Whatever version you come up with next will still be a draft until you say it is your final version anyway :-) So don't let yourself be held back. Revise the essay the way you see fit, we will be here to guide you whenever you need us :-)

I've written a new essay with the same topic.

Here's my request: I want to receive some aid about examining and sorting out the argument logic, correcting as well as upgrading the language usage, and possibly the most important one: giving me some advice about how to make my essay more fitful for a native writer's thinking modes in 30 minutes.

Thanks a lot, vangiespen! ^v^

THE NEW ESSAY GOES >>>

Is patience a better choice for it can contribute to more adequate preparation? While it is a little true that patience furnishes us with enough time to refine our decision, it ignores that taking action can really make access to the solution of problems more quickly, avoiding delay on some critical circumstance particularly.

On the one hand, taking action furnishes us with opportunities to seize the optimal moments to solve serious problems. The reason is that people are capable of bringing under control different kinds of elements which are critical to the solution in the early stage with minimal effort. Just as a proverb goes "early detection contributes to early treatment", a research conducted by experts from the Ministry of Public Medical Service, aiming at find the relationship between rates of the survival rate of lung cancer and the time when cancer was discovered, demonstrated that 83.8% of the healing is attributed to the timely treatment in early stage, especially when patients suffered form respire chronicles discover suspected symptom of the cancer and seek medical aid without delay. The conclusion suggests, owing to immediate action, the proliferate rate of the malignant tumors can be monitored and mastered, which provides doctors with the optimal moments as well as abundant options to treat the touchy diseases devoid of sophisticated operates,". That is why the timely action means the supreme occasions to crack the trouble.

On the other hand, people are more likely to get hold of more practical feedbacks by taking instant actions. Action, which epitomizes being confronted with problems at the positive angle, enables us to understand "trial and error" truly in the entire events and collect realistic feedbacks-a regulator for future goals-which cannot be obtained through passive waiting. Take my first linguistic study as an example. Last semester, I got involved with a voluntary survey about the influence of migrant workers' dialects to their children in South Bank Community. At first, I kept encountered with difficulties such as how to design targeted questionnaires; however, every time I felt puzzled, I would take actions by revising items according to the response or searching for further guidance on Google to upgrade my questionnaires.. Eventually, not only have I completed the project with high levels, but also felt confident about my graduate assignment due to the already accumulated feasible methods to improve survey.

As discussed above, taking action can serve as a catalyst in coping with serious issues effectively and acquiring feedbacks actively, so I am approved that taking action is better than waiting in patience. Imagine that if people grow into a habit into thinking before acting, the result will be better.

- Diesel, the abilities that you are talking about developing cannot be done in a matter of days, or months. It is something that is developed over the years. You develop it by living and breathing the English language. That means speaking the language 24/7, watching only English programming, and reading only English materials. That is how you develop a sense of logic, upgrade your use of English words, and become an almost native speaker when thinking and writing in English. You can however, begin to develop those skills now. Most specially the logical thinking part, by reading only English material or watching English programming and then writing an essay based upon a prompt that you provide for yourself. Ask yourself a question about the show, movie, or reading material and then try to find the answer to it by writing down what you understood which you feel answers the question posed. This is how you develop logic and a grasp of the English language. Using a thesaurus with the aid of a dictionary while writing your practice essays will also help you develop your language usage. Try inserting a new English word into your everyday conversations or written work at least 3 times in a day so that you will develop a native speaker's thinking ability. There are no secrets to developing the spoken and written English skills of a person. It cannot be rushed. It can be developed over time with practice. When are you taking the TOEFL test? We can work on developing your logic in writing as it draws closer. By writing essays and having it edited, you will also develop your English vocabulary because the editing will introduce you to new words that you should take note of.

Now about the new essay :-) Note the way I will restructure your sentence to sound more logical. You can use it as an example for your next essay or your revisions of this one. I will ask questions whenever possible to help build your sense of logic.Respond to the questions I pose in the revision. Yes, this will include an exercise in logic aside from grammar revisions. :-)


- Adequate preparation for what? What is the relation of patience to preparation?
- Although there is some truth to the claim that patience allows us to refine our decision, it neglects to recognize the fact that taking action allows people to quickly address problems rather than delaying decisions during critical situations.

- Will this be a personal opinion essay only? In that case, you need to make that clear to the reading by stating it in the introduction.


-Is this an opinion you support? If so then you need to know that a logical answer goes direct to the point. Start this paragraph immediately with "Taking action furnishes..." A sense of confidence in a response indicates logical thinking.

- Taking action allows a person to fully utilize the immediate situation in the resolution of a problem. He does this by controlling the situation and directing the existing factors towards a possible solution to the problem.

- I am not sure what the connection of the Ministry of Public Affairs story has to do with the topic you are trying to discuss. Rather than using a complex situation that not everyone will understand, use a topic that people can easily relate to. Something along the lines of "Taking immediate action offers only a short term solution to problems. But these short term solutions have a long term pay off in most cases..." In TOEFL tests, it is best to use popular information because that will show your familiarity with the English language and culture.


- Instead of this discussion, you should be using this paragraph to show the drawback of patience in determining decisions. Remember, you need to show the weakness of the logic in patiently looking for a solution instead of taking action. Weaken that discussion and your side wins the debate or in this case, the opinion of the reader. There are always 2 sides to a logical discussion. Both sides should be represented in the essay. This is usually known as the pro and con side.


- You need to strengthen your conclusion by strengthening your body paragraphs. Don't forget that you need to present a restated thesis, summary of facts, and your opinion to close the essay. Right now, your conclusion is flawed and improperly developed.

I hope you find the advice I gave useful :-) Don't be afraid to ask questions. I'll help you out whenever and however I can :-)

In TOEFL tests, it is best to use popular information because that will show your familiarity with the English language and culture.

vangiespen, I cannot fully understand the quotes above. so please elaborate again.Thanks a lot!

The example of the Ministry of Public Medical Service is aimed to illustrate "early detection contributes to easy treatment", which reflects the significance of taking actions in medical field.

Diesel, the TOEFL test is more than just a test of English language proficiency, it is also a test of how much you know about American and popular culture. As such, you must always use information in your essay that is common knowledge or easily known to people. That shows that you are not just a bookish student but also a student of life. That is why I was advising you to use an example of a current event that most people can identify with.


- The problem with that example is that it uses a medical situation that not everyone can relate to. As such, it lessens its effectiveness in the overall impact of your essay. Do not assume that all your readers will be familiar with medical science news. In such instances, it could adversely affect your rating. Try to go with examples that people can understand such as fixing a leaking faucet immediately instead of thinking of how to best fix the leak so that the leak turns into an exploded water pipe. Or something like that. The reader needs to be able to easily understand your examples in order for it to be effective in supporting your essay.

Thanks, I've tried to write another topic and my request shares the same as the former one.
I still write about a survey, but it appears to be common enough this time.Could you offer some critiques?

When teachers assign projects on which students must work together, students will learn much more efficiently than ask them to do alone?

Will individual working provide students with chance to tailor their pace and thus study more efficiently? Although there is some truth to claim that working alone enables students to complete the project with their planned rate and work load, it neglects to recognize that working together can create the atmosphere of cooperation as well as inevitable competition, both of which are universally recognized to improve efficiency to a considerable extent.

First, the cooperation among the group is conducive to enhancing learning efficiency. It is known to all that best ideas which lead to resolve tough problems quickly come from the teamwork, because when grouping together, chances are great that teammates hold rights to contribute their own ideas while discussing with each other. Through the debates, they are able to pick up the feasible ones and discard the irrational ones, thereby refining an optimal thought. For example, once our linguistic teacher gave us assignment about "dialects in our campus", my classmates all felt overwhelmed due to the lack of complete flowcharts; however, when we tried to form groups, the process suddenly became more efficient. A big discussion aimed at group thinking, allowed us to reap practical sampling methods such as online poll or questionnaire, and detailed plans about how to analyze collected data and then integrate into a required report.

Second, students' efficiency can also be improved by the competition involved in group. A former study has backed up the idea. The study conducted by Education Online, after tracking 43,578 students from 30 foreign language schools nationwide, found that 84.2% of the students perform better during the group-oriented tasks than individual-oriented ones. In terms of top students, the rate is even higher. And the study also suggests, on the one hand, when students are in group work, the tendency of shunning condemns prevents he occurrence of sluggish behaviors. On the other hand, peer pressure, which challenges their will to do their best, inspires their potential and compels them spare no efforts to keep pace with or even surpass other team mates, and therefore students' efficiency is increased to a large extent

To sum up, it is reasonable to say students will learn much more efficiently working in group than doing alone because the cooperation and competition make a difference. If the individual work designed to improve the average level of the team member is somewhat necessary as the supplement.

This essay is very Ok for TOEFL standards,considering there's only 30 minutes.Good job.But that's just my idea.You should wait for others to comment ,too.

Zhang, this is a much better version of the previous essay. The survey that you chose covers a wide enough expanse to allow for general coverage of the results and thus, gives more credibility to your claim. By indicating that the survey covers a world wide study, you have made the survey relevant to all readers and students. It also adds a level of understanding that tells us the kind of teaching process that now exists worldwide. This is an excellent effort at improving your first paper, I would be careful about numbering your reasons as Firstly, secondly, etc though. It tends to get redundant and only acts as a word filler. With only 30 minutes to write this essay, you should always aim to fill the page with as much information as you possibly can, that does not include word fillers. If it will not add to the image that you are familiar with the use of the English language and will only serve to fill a word count then don't use that word. You are out to prove your knowledge and efficiency with the use of the English language. Remember that.

Thanks for your targeted critiques indeed! Could you point out some word fillers from the essay?You mean it is unneccessary to write "First, Second"beforemy discussion?

Zhang, you understood what I meant precisely. In the TOEFL, you are under a time constraint of 30 minutes. So you need to keep talking about your points instead of trying to use words to fill in the space. Using word fillers means that you are either trying to buy yourself time or you do not really understand the essay. You can only write about 3 paragraphs in 30 minutes since you need to think of what you have to say, edit, then revise. So there is no need to number your reasons. You won't have the time to write more than 2 or 3 reasons :-) So just always be direct to the point. That way you will show that you truly understand the prompt and have plenty of important things to say about it. Word fillers make it seem like you are trying to think while writing, which is not a good image to portray on paper. You want the examiner to feel your confidence on your grasp of the English knowledge and the best way to do that is to simply talk to the reader.