Bill Gates as University Professor? - TOEFL Essay

Should celebrities teach at universities?

Here is my essay for the topic. I am a noob English writer, and as you read, I welcome every comments! Thank you in advance.

Successful entrepreneurs and sport stars can affect many people. Their actions and speeches can motivate the thousands, even millions, of people that view them as role models. Because of this, universities have been inviting these celebrities, from sport stars like Michael Jordan to multibillion business owners like Bill Gates, to give inspirational talks on campus. Some people would go as far as suggesting these people becoming teachers in universities. From my personal perspective, despite the ability to cause changes possesed by these people, they should not become teachers.

First, these celebrities are not educated to become teachers, and they lack the skill to spread their knowledge to other people. It is arguable that Michael Jordan is an inspiration not because of his ability to give speeches, but simply because of his accomplishments on the basketball court. He might be a good basketball player, but this does not guarantee that he has the ability to teach the skills he posess to aspiring young people. Unlike professional coaches, Michael Jordan might not know how to translate his skills into words: he knows how to effectively overcome the defense line of opponents, but he might not be able to explain in words how he did it. On the other hand, coaches are well-trained professionals with many years of experience with students, and only he can explain in details the process of reaching the net.

Second, studying with celebrities might end up with students attempting to copy exactly the celebrities' path. It is a well known fact that everybody is different from one another in some aspects, and it is this different that forces each person to forge his own path. Of course, these paths might bear some resemblance to one another. However, several people fail to recognize the subtle differences between these paths, and they tried to copy the exact process of how their celebrities rose to fame and success. Take Bill Gates for example. Bill Gates himself is a very smart and fast person. He obviously has the mind powerful enough to create a computer program from scratch, and after that, to recognize the subtleties and predict customer trends. It is these abilities that helped him championed the brutal market of electronics. Bill Gates has many fans, and several of them are trying to learn his history, copying the exact actions that he did to lead to his current celebrity status in the hope of achieving wealth and fame. However, this fan might lack some of Gates's abilities above, and following his path means skipping the process of making up for one's own weaknesses before stepping into the challenge, which ultimately leads to failure.

For these reasons above, I believe that as inspirational as celebrities are, they should not teach at universities.

Successful entrepreneurs and sport stars can inspire the lives of many people.

Well, I see you are practicing for TOEFL which is a time bound task. Therefore you need to manage time effectively at the exam. I would suggest you to cut down on introduction in view of suggesting you a more suitable approach to write an effective essay while helping you manage time. Do not have any examples in the intro. Begin your intro with a catchy sentence which is relevant to your topic and also meaningful. Then introduce the background of the prompt, (I mean the issue). The state your opinion very clearly.

I can see you write very well, but focus more on earning points while managing time :)