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IELTS 2: biodiversity and environment



rimari 1 / -  
Aug 29, 2024   #1
*Due to increasing the world demands for oil and gas energy, people need to look for new sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent decades, the demand for non-renewable sources such as oil and gas energy has been significantly increased. As a result, there appears a need for humans to search for alternative energy in rural areas. In this essay, I would evaluate the pros and cons of this shift, then conclude whether the advantages outweigh the opposite ones.
On the one hand, the pros of this change are undeniable. First, it could provide opportunities to tackle the problem of energy shortage. Exploitation conducted in untouched lands which are rich in natural substances would store alternative energy for industrial development and trade, also diversify the property of natural sources. In addition, developing in remote places is possible to offer jobs for local inhabitants. Because industrial zones are established in new places, the demand for workforce would incline. Thus, local residents could apply to make a living and enhance their incomes.
However, this evolution has numerous negative impacts. First, it is noteworthy that this development cause damage to the environment. To succeed in searching for alternative sources, humans are likely to sacrifice the natural ecosystem. For example, power plants that are constructed in developing areas could release the detrimental fume and waste water into the environment. Therefore, it would result in different types of pollution. Moreover, it produces negative impact on human's health. Since people reside in a polluted place, they could suffer from digestive problems and respiratory diseases. Besides, this exploitation affects not only humans but also nearby species. As trees are cut down for the expansion of industrialization, and rivers are contaminated, marine species and birds would die out gradually. As a result, this leads to a loss of biodiversity.
In conclusion, despite the benefits provided for both industry and inhabitants, the disadvantages of this shift are more important. Thus, I assess the drawbacks outweigh the advantages.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Aug 30, 2024   #2
rural areas

Rural areas are not the same as "untouched natural places". Rural areas have people living there an active development. An untouched natural place would be something like a forest or natural springs. This will be a deduction in your LR and GRA score since you are confusing the reader by misusing the word.

then conclude whether the advantages outweigh the opposite ones.

It is understood that you have done proper brain storming and idea development before you started writing this essay. Therefore, your thesis statement should be clear about your response to the question provided. Give a direct response that establishes proper reasoning paragraph topics in the next 2 paragraphs.

Sadly, these 2 errors would more than likely result in a failing preliminary TA score, so your essay, even though counting more than the word count, will start with a failing preliminary TA score. As such, your remaining scoring qualifiers will not be enough to help you achieve a passing score in the end.
phucan9906 3 / 5  
Sep 1, 2024   #3
you should spend more time to enhance your vocabulary range, that may help you not to repeat such a word the second times


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