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IELTS:The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall.


uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 6, 2014   #1
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

Birth means that Life is going on and on. In modern societies, having children has significantly decreased and they say that by 2030 elderly population in developed countries will have outnumbered the young generation. It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their life if these forecasts come true.

To start with, a decline in birth rate might lead these countries to destruction of life systems. For instance, the less young people they have, the less workforces they can imagine. Therefore, economic problems will begin to appear one by one. Moreover, they might have to receive many migrants from other countries which could have its sub-problems such as cultural threats and an increase in crime rate. Another issue is that it might be necessary for authorities to rise the official retirement age to 70 and even older in order to cover with more workforces. Even though it may look difficult at a first glance, they need to think of some solutions to prevent the upcoming events.

Governments should, firstly, encourage their individuals to have children in many ways, for example, they could reward the families who want to have a child. Secondly, young couples who are about to get married might be freed from paying a year-taxes after the wedding. Thus, there will be a lot of married couples and of course many children. Besides, developed countries can act to establish more friendly centers for migrants and their families because of not many workforces.

To put it in a nutshell, the projected population in these states will age progressively due to low birth rate. This trouble will definitely influence on the future of these societies in a large extent. As a result, some solutions such as stimulating policies for having children must be found.

ramshah 11 / 27 5  
Apr 6, 2014   #2
It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their lives if thesethose forecasts come true.

I think you have written a good essay.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 7, 2014   #3
Birth means that Life is going on and on.

This is not a good hook :( Your hook should be catchy and also meaningful and relevant to your topic.
In modern societies, having children hasbirth rates have significantly decreased and they say that by 2030, the elderly population in developed countries will have outnumberedoutgrow the young generation. It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their life if these forecasts comewould be true.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 7, 2014   #4
To start with, a decline in birth rate might lead these countries to destruction of life systems.

This is a pretty confusing statement :( What do you exactly mean?
Governments should, firstly, encourage their individualscitizens to have children in many ways and they can promote this by for example, they could rewardrewarding the families who want to have a child and introducingSecondly, young couples who are about to get married might be freed from paying a year-taxes after the wedding.tax rebates for the young couples who are expecting babies.
OP uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 7, 2014   #5
Hi dumi! I`m always glad to see your comments.

This is not a good hook :( Your hook should be catchy and also meaningful and relevant to your topic.

Could you give a relevant hook to this thesis?

Hi Pahan! thank you for all corrections!

This is a pretty confusing statement :( What do you exactly mean?

yes, i know it sounds very confused. I would be thankful if you give intro sentences to first para. My mind went blank.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 8, 2014   #6
dumi:
This is not a good hook :( Your hook should be catchy and also meaningful and relevant to your topic.
Could you give a relevant hook to this thesis?

Sure :D
Birth rate has begun to fall alarmingly in many developed countries today.

Hi Pahan! thank you for all corrections!
Pahan:This is a pretty confusing statement :( What do you exactly mean?
yes, i know it sounds very confused. I would be thankful if you give intro sentences to first para. My mind went blank.

This phenomenon (you have already talked about decreasing birth rate ) may affect many things negatively. For example, it may expand the aging population and the youth may not be given a chance to seek jobs that are already help by very seniors/
bakhadeer 6 / 20  
Apr 8, 2014   #7
mm I found it very useful to read your esseys. you have done it pretty good. it would be great help to me if you add your comments in my esseys that I am going to write here.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 9, 2014   #8
To put it in a nutshell,

This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...

firstly,

Secondly,

When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

A helpful tip before taking the exam:
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.


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