Some people believe that technological tools such as body scanner and CCTV have significantly enhanced our safety and security, while others feel that they have resulted in a loss of privacy.
Do the benefits of these items outweigh their disadvantages?
Answer:
Governments play a pivotal role to enhance safety and security of their citizens. Which is why they set up some technologically advanced equipment such as body scanners and video surveillance in a particular area, especially in public places. Whilst I think that these tools have given a rise to a loss of privacy, I firmly believe that using the technology has more positive than negative effects.
...
overall, I think you did a great job writing the essay and you answered the question. but, in the third paragraph where the sentence starts off as "IN the Netherlands" I don't think you finished it or worded it correctly. Were you trying to say "In the Netherlands, there are many body scanners that are located in airports and bus stations"?
Governments play a pivotal role [in enhancing the] to enhance safety and security of their citizens[, w]hich is why they set up some technologically advanced equipment such as body scanners and video surveillance in a particular area[s ], especially in public places. Whilst I think that these tools have given a rise to a loss of privacy, I firmly believe that using the technology has more positive than negative effects.
[First,] I would argue that security guards who use a body scanner can obviously see a person's body who passes through the tool as it detects objects without removing clothes or making physical contact. {this does not really give a reason supporting your thesis} A 2012 study conducted by [the] FAA shows that full-body scanners which [that] have operated in American airports have pictured a number of nude bodies. {this is a little unclear - I guess they are not supposed to do this?} Although this type of surveillance can save many people and airports, {"save airports" sounds odd} it also makes people inconvenient {no, it is inconvenient to people" - a person can not really be inconvenient, although they can be inconvenienced} as someone looks at their bodies. {this paragraph does not really support you thesis - try to show how this possible objection is not valid or important}
On the other hand, body scanners help some companies to secure their places. {"their places" sounds odd here} Since a full-body scanner can detect weapons and narcotics, people who [are] bring[ing] them are not allowed to come in a building and probably will be committed to prison{"committed to prison" sounds odd] . In [The] Netherlands, for example, were many body scanners which have been located in airports and bus stations. As a result, should criminals pass through the scanners, they are [will be] caught. There is no doubt that this has enhanced safety and security efficiently.
In addition, setting up some closed-circuit televisions in public places can help government to reduce [the] crime rate because the places are kept under surveillance. A result reveals that a growing number of CCTV systems have been installed in city centers of New York[, ] which is [has been] followed by other cities. As it can be seen from the example, the more money the city councils spend, the safer their city will be. {this is not that clear - maybe CCTV systems are cheaper than hiring additional police officers}
The aforementioned evidence shows that although technological security tools result in a loss of privacy, they have more advantages to prevent crimes. {this last part sounds odd - more advantages than what?} Where possible, the pictures and the records from the tools should be deleted after [being] analysed. {I would not really add a important piece of information like this in the conclusion}
Do You Need