Same people believe that technological tolls such as body scanners and CCTV have significantly enhanced our safety and security, while others fell that they have resulted in a loss of privacy. Do the benefits of those items outweigh their disadvantage?The demands of safety and security increase in conjunction with crime phenomena nowadays. Sophisticated tolls ore invented to prevent such as biometric and closed-circuit television (CCTV). Some citizen believe that biometrics and CCTV disturb each individual right to privacy while others argue that these inventions upgrade tranquility in public area. Both views have merits and demerits. I personally argue that this has more positive to prevent criminal actions and efficiency aspect rather than to consider about privacy.
Preventing crime is the viable benefit of using body scanner and CCTV. This is because biometric guarantee the society against offender by analyzing the uniqueness of biological characteristics which are different each person. For instance, face scanner in some Japanese banks are utilized before the costumers can enter. This can ensure the tranquility in the bank as a vulnerable place. As a result, these sophisticated tolls create safe atmosphere in public area.
In addition, this equipment is also efficient because people do not need to bring special key to access their property. For example, some airports in Malaysia use biometric face to correspond passengers with their luggage so an official airport does not need to match passengers' case manually. Consequently, by utilizing this technology, people can do many activities efficiently.
However, CCTV and variants of biometric scanners irritate privacy. Irresponsible person usually use the recording of those sophisticated devices in an inappropriate way. To illustrate, CCTV has the same function as paparazzi is that it can record a shame action. Absolutely, every person who is recorded by CCTV will be disturbed especially if the shame video spread around public. As a result people feel uncomfortable because of CCTV.
The aforementioned evidence shows that although biometrics and CCTV irritate people privacies, this equipment has more advantages to prevent crime and create tranquility and efficient aspect in helping daily life. Where possible, government should make regulation about the way of using in public area.
maybe your sentence would sounds be better if you structure your worlds like this.With the rising of criminal phenomenon,people's demands for safety and security increasing correspondently.
disturb personal rights. violate some citizen- some citizens .upgrade tranquility? i cannot understand this phrase. i personally argue-i personally believe.I personally argue that this has more positive to prevent criminal actions and efficiency aspect rather than to consider about privacy. it's positive and also "positive" here is not an appropriate word to use.it's more important
prevent criminal actions-- prevent crime.Do not 'gild the lily' if you don't know how to use these word correctly,instead,using some plain words.
thanks for correcting my mistakes.
And i 'm really sorry,i've already checked the dictionary,i made a mistake."argue" is an appropriate word to be used in your sentence.I've never seen using this word in this way so i thought it was wrong.apologize again.
wish you have a good day and good luck with your exam.
I think there are a number of words/phrases that you should look-up in a dictionary to verify that the meaning of the word fits in with the intent of the context. For example:
"irritate" (in most contexts here, I think you mean "invade", such as "However, CCTV and variants of biometric scanners
"costumers" (you probably mean "customers" here")
"tranquility" (while this is often defined similar to "peace", I'd hesitate to use it as often as you have in your sample, since it's a bit of a stronger word that "peace"; try using synonyms like "peace" and "law and order" to mix things up
Thank you for your comments. It will improve my skill at writing.