Ielts task 1 -difficulties in words usage and grammar
I think my essay sounds a bit repeatable at times - and also have several mistakes.
I will highly appreciate any kind of help in order to improve the essay and my overall writhing.
The graph provides information about the amount of books, which have been read by
men and women at Burnley library in the period between 2011 and 2014.
In 2011, fifty thousand books have been read by women, which was nearly twice as much compared to the men, who have read only around 24 000 in this period. In the next year, the gap between woman and men have gone up by 20 000. Even though, an increase in the read books by males was experienced , it was far smaller, than the grow observed in the females sector.
During 2013, after an enormous went up in the men interest in book, they were able to level the number scored by the women. In that year, males have read close to 50 000 books more than in the last year, which was a lot higher increase than the female one where the amount of read books exceeded by only 10 000. In the final year of the given period, the increasing trend in the males sector from the past year continued and by the end of the year, about 140 000 were read by them. The only decrease in the women number of read books was observed In 2014, where the amount of books diminished by 29 thousand, in order to became 70 00 or two times less than the men result.
At the end of the day, both genres experienced an increase in the amount of books read throughout the given period. Overall, the went up in the male sector was significantly higher than the respective increase in the female one.
I think my essay sounds a bit repeatable at times - and also have several mistakes.
I will highly appreciate any kind of help [i highly appreciate some kind of you in order to improve my essay and my overall writhing .writing
... at Burnley library in the period between between 2011 to 2014.
..., who read about 24 000 Bookin that time .
In the final year of the given period , increased trend in the males ...
... the books diminished by 29 thousand, 29000 in order to became ...
your grammar is not good
Hello Lola12,
just remind you to attach the picture or diagram
... by males was experienced ,[need conjuction] it was far smaller, than ...
In thatfollowing year, males have read ...
In the final year of the given period [need verb ], the increasing trend in the males ...
The only decrease in the women number decreasedof to read books which was observed In 2014...
hope these help
Hi Lola
Here some suggestions for your writing
at Burnley library in the period between 2011 and 2014.
fifty thousand books have had been read by women.......who have had read only around ...... and men have had gone up (Past tense)
Best Wishes
hai lola
here is my suggestions for you
1. where is the graph ?
2. In 2011, fifty thousand 500,000 (because only one word to transfrom from the number example, one - twenty)
3.... who have read only around 24000 books in this period.
4. using number without space or with comma such as 140,000 or 140000 do not use 140 000
5. At the end of the day ?????? maybe directly to use In conclusion
6. using dramatical, slightly, steadily, roughly, approximately to tell about the development in the graph (I recommended to read ielts advantage or ielts buddy)
7. In the finallast year of the giventhis period, the increasing trend ...
... diminished by 29 thousand, in order to became 70 00 or two times less than the men result. It is hard to me to give you about using the number for example, the number of books increased dramatically to 3000 books
thank you
hi lola ^,^
i would give you some feedback
>>>put picture graph that you explain then readers can understand what you write
>>>over a three-year periodin the period between 2011 and 2014 . (try to paraphrase number or year in overview paragraph )
>>> put coma among number you write such as (24,000 20,000 140,000)
In 2011, fifty thousand (it is better to write with number ) 50,000 books have been read rather than twice time by women was nearly twice as much compared to men, who have read ...
... it was far smaller,(don not put coma between comparative) than the grow ...
>>>At the end of the daychoose transitional word indicating a conclusion such as ( in conclusion, to sum up, all in all etc..) but it is better to put an overview in the first paragraph as conclusion for writing task 1 and write in three paragraph
hope it helps
keep writing lola
