"Brand is Me"--About myself as if I'm a brand

Hi everyone! this is an first assignment I got for my class I'm taking during summer! Could you please give me some feedback? My weakness is my grammar since English is my second language! It will still be helpful if any of you could give me feedback on one of the paragraphs. Thank you in advance for your support!

1. Who am I? You are to look at yourself as a "brand". List your achievements, key skills and attributes, education, and where you are right now.

I am a girl, who lives in a busy city that never sleeps called Tokyo. I am always surrounded by neon lights, tall buildings and trends; I am definitely a city girl. I attended the International School of Sacred Heart in Tokyo from third grade. I could not speak any English at all but I eventually improved so I am bilingual now. During my nine years of a student life at an international school, I am confident to say that I understand the importance of diversity. I absorbed so many cultures, traditions and trends in different parts of the world by interacting with my classmates. It was a place where it had no boarders. Comprehending diversity of this world might not be a tangible skill, but I believe that diversity is what makes this world extremely interesting therefore, I have always considered "Understanding the significance of diversity" as one of my accomplishments. After graduating from high school, I took a gap year to take an internship at an international law firm. I am admitted as a paid intern and I am currently the youngest one working in my firm. Since I have an experience in the "real-world", I believe that I am more mature, adept and broad-minded than a normal girl in my age.

2.What do I need to do to improve the perception of my brand?

Many people has been telling me that I do not easily get influenced by others. To make it short, I am stubborn. Although some people say being stubborn is a positive trait, it can be negative as well because when people are too stubborn, they just could be selfish and egotistical. I believe I have to accept more others' opinion. Even if I do not agree to those opinions, I should respect and consider them as outcomes that might occur.

3. What is your vision for your brand? What do you envision for your career?
I want my brand to be outstanding and shining. Since I have always been in a diverse environment, being different to others in nationality or race is common to me. Therefore, I think being diverse in variant ways such as skills, achievements and experience could make my brand stand out. I also wish to be shining. I am not only talking about my appearance but I want to cultivate my character as well so that I could shine from inner side of myself.

4. If I were a car, what brand/model would I be?
I am not sure what kind of car I am today but if I succeed to become myself that I want to be in the future then, I know what kind of car I would to be in the future; Tesla Motors. There are several reasons why I would be Tesla. Tesla is famous for their electronic cars. Their car is eco-friendly because they run with zero emission. For a Tesla car, driving is its happiness and being eco-friendly could make the world happy so I want to live like Tesla. I want to enjoy what I am doing but at the same time, I want to accomplish something amiable that could make others pleased. Also, another characteristics that is essential to Tesla is their speed. At times, it is better to take things slow but I am a fast reader and worker. I have a confidence that I do not make people feel uncomfortable because I can read the atmosphere and situation easily. I am a fast worker however, it is only for the things I favor.

Tesla Motors are unique and untypical. I believe that people could be diverse when they can express themselves in various ways. I could show my diversity through my experience in an international school and a law firm, which is a extremely rare experience for a girl in my age. Lastly, Tesla is still evolving. Age will not be a factor to make me stop learning. I still want to keep assimilating no matter how old I am. Tesla Motors are still evolving into a sophisticated car and their future expectation is high and it receives lots of attention from various people. I do not want to stop learning and absorbing from the things in this world.

Yes, if the first part would be a complete sentence on it's own, then you separate the 2 halves of the compound sentence with a comma. Look at Strunk and White for that one.

Ana, maybe they should get rid of me and give you my moderator position!


I am a girl, who lives in a busy city that never sleeps called Tokyo. I am always surrounded by neon lights, tall buildings and trends; I am definitely a city girl. I attended the International School of Sacred Heart in Tokyo from third grade. I could not speak any English at all but I eventually improved so This part does not answer the question.

I am bilingual now. During my nine years of a student life at an international school, I am confident to .... this part is better!

To make it short, I am stubborn.---Haha, clever...

3. What is your vision for your brand? What do you envision for your career?
I want my brand to be outstanding and shining. No no, these are just simple adjectives. You need to have a plan. You need to know what you want to accomplish in this world. Do you know what I mean? Make a plan.

I am not sure what kind of car I am today but if I succeed to become myself that I want to be in the future then, I know what kind of car I would to be in the future: Tesla Motors. -----This is a job for a colon, not a semi-colon.

There are several reasons why I would be Tesla. Tesla is famous for their electronic cars. Their car is eco-friendly because they run with zero emission. For a Tesla car, driving is its ---Excellent! Great idea...