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A breakdown of the number of people both female and male participating four evening courses - IELTS1


fidelissari 2 / 2  
Nov 16, 2015   #1
Task 1: The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at ad adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

A breakdown of the number of people both female and male participating four evening courses in an adult education institution in 2009 is presented in the bar chart, while the proportion of the ages is illustrated in the pie chart.

Overall, female students tend to join Drama, Painting and Language classes, while Sculpture class was more popular among male students. In comparison, the senior students tend to be more active in participating the classes than the junior students.

To begin, Language class was the most popular class among female students which had reached 40 students. It was twice of the population of males. For painting and Drama class, the population of female students who join the classes were 30 and 20 people, while for the male students just stood at 25 and 10 students. However, for Sculpture class, the participant of male students reached 10 students, while female's figure was halved of male's figure.

The highest proportion of students who participating the classes was dominated by the aged of over 50 which was 42%. It was followed by the group of aged 40-49 and 30-39 who stood at 26% and 16%. The lowest participation was for the group of aged under 20 which had reached only 5%.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 17, 2015   #2
Hi Fidelis...
I will try to closely read your writing..
I will give you few suggestions. I hope that My suggestions can improve your grammar..
Keep's spirit...
^_^

... is presented in the bar chart, while the proportion of ...
(If you use "while/although/when/..", you do not use "comma" to sentence middle. S V while S V --- without comma or while S V , S V)

... Painting and Language classes, while Sculpture class was more ...

... classes were 30 and 20 people respectively, while for the male students just

.. male students reached 10 students, while female's figure was halved of male's figure.

... who stood at 26% and 16%respectively . The lowest participation ...


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