The best way to improve public health by building more sport facilities
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Some people believe that building more sports facilities is the most efficient way to promote public health, while others argue that to have any significant impact other methods need to be adopted. Constructing additional athletic and gaming complex's will create an interest amongst the public as a majority of them grew up playing some sport, however, it is finally the mind-set of the people that needs to evolve towards embracing a healthier lifestyle.
On the one hand, since a large proportion of our population participated in some form of athletics or sport in school, they would be more susceptible to take up sports as a form of exercise. Building new facilities would bring back memories and pique the interest of people. Additionally, many sports require teams which would encourage participation in large numbers. For instance, in a country like India where cricket is treated as a form of religion, if the government built more cricket grounds, it would definitely attract participation from a large crowd. Therefore, proving the importance of more sports gymnasiums.
On the other hand, in order to truly have a meaningful impact on public health, the importance of a healthy and disciplined lifestyle needs to be instilled throughout the society. We need to invest into raising awareness about the benefits of exercising and fitness starting from young children. The reason for this is that parents often take an interest in their child's activities and would be eager to follow them into fitness. Furthermore, when the youngsters become adults and usher in the next generation, they would inculcate the same values of well-being in their wards.
In my view, we first need make health and fitness a daily routine starting in the primary level at school. For example, if schools made it compulsory for each student to play a sport, it'd encourage parents to take an active part as well help in their child's fitness journey. This would ensure that not only the current population but even future generations will be more conscious of their lifestyle choices.
In conclusion, while increasing sports facilities will encourage a certain part of populace, in order to reach a wider audience and to meet long-term benefits fitness and sports need to be made part of our daily lifestyle.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15384 You should not write more than 290 words for the task 2 essay. Granted you can type even a thousand words in a CBT setting, because you type fast. However, typing fast, using a lot of English words, and actually responding to the essay requirements are different things. Allot time for grammar and spellchecking. Review the paragraphs and shorten the presentation to create a more cohesive presentation. Shorter but completely discussed essays are scored better than long essays that take too long to get to the point. The examiner wants to know that you can present your thoughts quickly, without the use of over expanded discussion points or word fillers. Both of which tend to lower your scores.
Long essays do not mean that you wrote a proper essay, used correct vocabulary, and developed proper sentences. It only means you know a lot of English words and have excellent finger dexterity, neither of which are the actual basis of your Task 2 score. However, a reasonable length essay presentation normally allows you to review your work for accuracy and oftentimes, results in a better score than a simply long essay.
In formal writing, you should avoid the use of shortened words or conjunctions. It is a sign of disrespect to the examiner and shows that you lack in proper English grammar education. Therefore "It'd" should be completed presented as "it would". Grammar points will be reduced with every conjunction. Additionally, you should focus on concise word presentations. Do not confuse the reader with phrases like "definitely attract". Word reference clarity is important to the examiner. Simply saying "attract" would have had an increased GRA scoring effect.
You do not offer an opinion as a part of the prompt discussion outline. You are required to first, discuss the 2 public opinions and then opine on these reasons. That is why the personal opinion is not presented in the discussion restatement and reasoning outline. You cannot have an opinion when you have not discussed the two opinions yet. That shows a bias in your discussion, which is bad for the presentation. You cannot have a preconceived notion in the opening statement. That defeats the C/C discussion format. That is the incorrect format for your prompt restatement paragraph.
Your personal opinion does not follow the C/C format as required in this essay. Your response does not take the two public opinions into consideration as the foundation of your personal opinion. Rather than presenting an opinion based on the prompt discussion topics, you created your own topic for your personal opinion discussion.
Prompt Discussion Topics:
- the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number
of sports facilities.
- this would have little effect on public
health and that other measures are required.
Personal Opinion:
- we first need make health and fitness a daily routine starting in the primary level at school.
Your personal opinion should first, indicate which public point of view you agree with. Then you can present your alternative measures in support of the public opinion you agreed with. You can't jump into the alternative health measures without first establishing which POV you will be supporting. That should be your topic sentence. The first sentence in the personal opinion should be an opinion based on the support of a predetermined public discussion point.
Your conclusion is a run-on sentence that does not follow the proper conclusion restatement. What you presented is a good closing suggestion. It only works if you first restate the topic, points of view, and your opinion.
You have followed the expected format for this discussion in a good manner. You did well using the beginner format of this discussion topic. I look forward to having you write this essay type in the advanced format in the future.