IELTS WRITING TASK 2:businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way

Question:
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way.

Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Living in the fast-consuming Society, advertisement has played an influential role in the market. Enterprise tends to emphasis on the innovation of their products on the commercial. While, some people consider that focusing on the newest is an effective way to attract customer, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of this development.

Beginning with the reasons why producers want to put emphasis on latest idea on adverts. Firstly, purchasers are more likely to be attracted by those sensational words directly and instantly. Secondly, being label as new inventions can show the differences and specialty from other competitors. The more the commercial are emphasizing on new messages, the more interest the business can inspire.

Admittedly, this strategy which centralized the novelty can be profitable to the company. However, from the consumers' perspective, there are more harms than benefits. First of all, producers are used to exaggerating the advantages of those cutting-edge products in an advert . Moreover, putting too many efforts on developments can lead to neglecting the quality and function of the products. For example, I was defrauded by a computer advertisement which aimed to popularized the upgrade system. However, it turned out that the newer one work worsen than former one. This is a common situation when consumers are misled by the adverts and being attracted by the innovation.

To conclude, for the reasons stated above. I believe that focusing on the latest part of the good too overly is a negative trend which lead consumer to fall victim to sensational marketing trick.

Look at the way that the original statement positions the prompt requirements. Since the writer is expected to give his own version of the prompt, it is understood that the writer will follow the same statement positioning. So, the writer should have positioned his prompt, for clarity as follows:

Enterprise tends to emphasis on the innovation of their products on the commercial. Living in the fast-consuming Society, advertisement has played an influential role in the market. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of this development.

See how the strength of statement becomes clearer and more task accurate when the correct positioning of the reworded prompt is presented? By properly positioning the sentences, there is no need for inaccurate thought additions in the presentation. The 3 sentence requirement is well met and delivers the information needed.

I have to point out though, that the writer's opinion is an inaccurate response to the given statement as it alters the discussion format from positive or negative to advantages v. disadvantages. That means, the writer will not get a passing score for the paragraph because the response format, in terms of the writer's opinion, is incorrect and does not follow the correct prompt instruction.

The overall discussion is also not in accordance with the discussion requirements since it does not focus on the positive or negative development discussion. There was no need to discuss the reasons for emphasizing the newness of the product. Only the second paragraph will be scored as it aligns itself with the positive or negative discussion. The discussion part is under developed and will not receive full scoring marks.

Let me correct some of your mistakes in your essay. You made a lot of mistakes !
emphasis => emphasize (1st paragraph , line 1)
customer => customers (1st paragraph, line 3)
While, : delete the comma (1st paragraph, line 2)
latest => the latest : remember to add the article "the" before superlative (2nd paragraph, line 1)