Businesses ought to concern of attention on their activity due to their aim related to profit

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?

In this competitive era, the main aim of businesses is pursuing the profit. As such, business makers focus on their business plan rather than other objects. On the other hand, I personally believe that there some aspects should be paid attention by business makers prior to earning profit.

Having said that business keepers pay more attention to their business as the main target of business in this modern era is to earn much profit. This is because business makers must maintain their business in this competitive era when many others take part in the same track as a rival. For example, the profit that company obtained is used to pay their employees with the good salary. Moreover, a businessman have to recoup their capital and also can be used as the capital for extending businesses.

Apart from this, there are some aspects should not be completely neglected. Initially, business makers should be aware of their products. Besides the profit, a company should offer products with the best quality in order to increase costumers' satisfaction. Not only this, companies are supposed to give the good service because it tends to maintain the loyalty of customers who can affect the appraisal from customers of the company. Eventually, the businessmen should also provide the new job opportunities for the local society surrounding their business place.

To conclude, it is said that entrepreneur ought to concern to their attention on their business due to their aim related to profit. While some people believe that it is true, I personally disagree and I highly likely argue that some aspects should become a consideration for businessman beside only earning money.

Hi Hadi, try to use different words and not to repeat the words more than twice at maximum. This essay is about business owners and business, you can use words like merchant, entrepreneurs, administrator, founder, owner, etc. For business u can say work, job, occupation, trade, etc. according to sentence. Just try to be creative and specific, dont just repeat the words, it will make your essay wordy and less appealing. Second thing I noted is you write way too long sentences, try to use minimum words and express your opinion. I have rephrased one sentence highlighted in blue to make you understand. Overall it was a good essay, just try to make it short and meaningful sentences.

..... ... is pursuingto make the maximum profit As such, businessmen focus .....objects(Objects like??). On the other hand, I personally ........ there some aspects ....... makersowners ........

Having said ........ profit. (This is repetitive line, remove it.)
This is because business makers must maintain their business in this competitive era when many others take part in the same track as a rival.

In order to maintain the position in a competitive market of traders, merchant has to focus on marketing strategy of business. Strategy requires money and money will come from trade. So to further the business, one need money which should be the primary focus.

.........with thea good salary. ........

....that should .... Initially , Business ...... appraisal from customers offor the company. .............

.........I personally disagree and I highly likely arguebelieve that ......