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The businessmen avoids to concentrate only on making money.



ifraanisa05 44 / 67  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Business is made by some people to make money for themselves and their focus only to make a profit. Personally, i totally disagree with that statement because business is the place for other people who looking for salary and the businessmen avoid to concentrate only on making money. Because business has bigger opportunity become huge companies if their focus not only on getting them rich

Businessmen have to think about the productivity of their business. Throughout the employee, business will get the optimum productivity and highest profit. For instance, businessmen provide the safety tools, average temperature of the workplace and maintain break schedule to make their employee comfortable when they are working so that they can improve their work and prove the high performance. The comfortable zone that businessmen create, will provide much cost so that they have to prepare the unplanned cost for their employee. As a result, they will get profit from employees' performance indirectly

In addition, a business which only thinks about profit did not think about the environment. They only concentrate on making the process low budget but high profit. However, they can get profit from their waste. For example, the factory has a lot of waste in their every department, the great businessmen will get the benefit from those waste and build the facility to reduce their waste. Maybe it will not make a huge profit but productivity will increase and the business can stand for along time.

To sum up, businessmen should focus not only for money but also for employee and environment. Because the productivity of business is more important than its profit. When the productivity increases, the profit will follow.

badafebriani17 34 / 41  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hello miss ifraanisa05. this is my suggestion.
actually your essay is pretty good, but let me give you my opinions
1. don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [but also, so, but, etc]

... only for money, but also ...
... they are working, so that they ...
... low budget, but high profit.
... provide much cost, so that they ...

... more than three times, so your essay ...
"make" ---> [create/ do/ produce]
business-->[concern/ affair/ preserve]
good luck. keep writing


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