IELTS Cambridge 13 test 2 writing task 1: bar chart on households owning and renting accommodation

IELTS Cambridge 13 test 2 writing task 1: bar chart on households owning and renting accommodation

Analysis of the bar chart

Thanks you for giving any feedback or comments. I am not really sure whether my essay is appropriate or not, especially for my structure. So, please give me suggestions on improving my writing. Thanks a lot again!:)

1) The bar chart illustrates the share of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and wales from 1918 to 2011.

2) It is noticeable that there appeared to be a clear upward trend in the percentage of households renting accommodation over the period shown. However, the percentage of households in owned accommodation presented an opposite trend.

3) In 1918, the percentage of households in rented accommodation was nearly 76%, and it fell by approximately 45% to 31% in 2001. By contrast, the lowest percentage of households in owned accommodation occurs in 1918, while the percentage of households in rented accommodation reached a peak. The percentage of households in owning was the maximum in 2001, with the percentage going up by roughly 46% to nearly 70%.

4) Households in owned accommodation and in rented accommodation reached the same level in 1971, which was 50%. From 2001 to 2011, there was a slight dip in the percentage of households owning accommodation, while the percentage of households in rented accommodation showed a modest increase by nearly 5% to 75%.

(174 words)

Firstly, I think you shouldn't number your point using (1) (2), you can number your point by using words like Firstly, Secondly, Lastly.
Secondly, I think you should conclude your essay by giving a general summarization of the entire bar chart (what are the noticeable trends in rented and owned accommodation).

I think you are showing me the outline of your report prior to your using an essay format for it? This is a good way to outline your presentation, but, it could prove to be a problem later on you used the outline form for your paragraph content. You may find it difficult to form it into a complete paragraph because you separated too much information instead of grouping the related information. Sadly, you did not upload the image so I cannot review your essay for content responsiveness and proper data reporting. Kindly remember to present the image next time, it will help me review your essay in a more complete manner. As for the word count, you used enough words to get a better scoring consideration. However, using the numerical format for a task 1 essay is incorrect so you will definitely not pass the test using this format. You have to use the paragraph format for your presentation because the report requires comparative analysis and data accuracy presentations.