This topic comes from the Cambridge IELTS 7 Test 2 Writing Task 2:Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing , should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment
In last decades, the human society have evolved significantly and enormous amount of legislation have been imposed by government for punishing someone,who broke the law.Although some people are of the opinion that the punishment for every kind of crime should be fixed,I conceive that during procedure of the trial , a criminal motivation and reasons for action should be consider.
The people with conservative perception about this theme believe that the government should impose laws from each crime without considering criminal motivations or problems and even social status to be able to grant them best punishment.Moreover,they think if the people,who commit tough crime look as though rape or murder , must receive very hard sentences look as if death penalty or long time prison as consequence of their action.But if give the permission right to to conceive juries to show their innocence , they obtain chance to deceive juries to show their innocence, thereby , this action could have adverse impact on society stability . this kind of notions are very common in developing countries ,which do not have democratic government to pass a sufficient legislation . As result , the people who killed someone during self-defense procedure receive capital punishment look as someone, who killed so many people .
Although, some type of notions are granted by this people about tough crime may be considered as best way to control crime,I perceive that without knowing about criminal motivations and reasons we cannot find problems in society to amend it.However people with radical conception about this subject acknowledge that we are not able to eradicate crimes by knowing about criminal motivation but we can alleviate the number of crimes , if we diminish our ignorance about criminals way of thinking.For instance , in resents years, mounting evidence have been cited by scientist ,who conduct surveys about criminals motivation, to illustrate that a lake of education,welfare and economic situation are three fundamental elements increase the amount of crimes in society.
in conclusion, making decision about the ways of punishment are ongoing negotiation,thereby,we do not hear explicit answer from people.Thus , if we rise our knowledge about criminals notions , we will able to pass sufficient legislation to diminish the number of crimes .
can any body tell me about my band score for = task response / coherence / lexical world / grammar
thank you so much
in conclusion, making decision about the ways of punishment are ongoing negotiation,thereby,we do not hear explicit answer from people.
be careful with capital letter,
punctuation
no,this is right, he puts comma after the first sentence to connect to the second sentence (after comma)
