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Men have much more leisure time than women. Cambridge IELTS 2 Test 2 Writing Task 1


ahk 2 / 2  
Jan 11, 2016   #1
I would like to know how much band score can I get in IELTS?

Cambridge IELTS 2 Test 2 Writing Task 1

The given bar chart compares and contrasts data in the differences of amount of leisure time per week spent by men and women with various employment status in the period between 1998 and 1999.

Generally speaking, it can be seen clearly from the data that men spent much more leisure time than women.
The number of weekly hours spent on leisure activities by both of unemployed and retired people are the same for both sexes reporting 85 hours for men and 80 hours for women. They claimed the biggest amount in all categories. The women who worked full time consumed 38 hours per week for leisure and the amount of leisure time hours of the ones with part time job is slightly higher than them mentioning 40 hours per week which was only a half of unemployed ones. The amount of leisure times used by men who worked full time was much higher than women.( 50 hours weekly). And, the housewives spent more time for leisure activities than employed ones showing 60 hours per week.

Words - 175
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 11, 2016   #2
Aye, I would cautiously score this a 5 . I am sure I need not explain the reason for that score as your tutor would have already explained the scoring system to you :-) Please note the following problem areas of your essay.

- Again, you need to break up the sentences, the information contained in this paragraph could have easily made another 2 paragraphs if divided properly.

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You are also missing a proper conclusion in this essay. This is a good first attempt. The mistakes are expected and should be corrected in the next round of practice essays. I hope you show some improvement then. :-)
OP ahk 2 / 2  
Jan 11, 2016   #3
Thank you very much for your suggestion. I will keep going my work.
tigeryip510 - / 5 1  
Jan 11, 2016   #4
Generally speaking, it can be seen clearly from the data that men spend much more leisure time than women.

***small change, great essay overall


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