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IELTS Task 2. As children become adults their social behavior changes in some ways.


larkkk 1 / 1  
Mar 8, 2014   #1
As children become adults their social behavior changes in some ways. what are the main differences between young children's social behavior and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

Regarding society's morals and standards of behavior, children are born as "clean slates". One of the main purposes of their upbringing is to instill these moral codes into them in order to raise well-functioning members of society. However, in the process of moulding them into an acceptable shape, some desirable qualities can be lost.

The greatest lesson children need to be taught is how to co-exist and co-operate with others. Very young children are rather self-centred, but, as they grow up, they acquire the ability to consider others' interests as well as their own. They also learn to take on more responsibility, so that by adulthood most children mature into reliable individuals with a well-developed sense of duty.

On the other hand, these assets come at a cost, as children might lose their individuality in their attempts to fit in. For instance, much has been said about young children's creativity, but this fresh outlook on life is likely to vanish after children start their formal education and are taught the conventional approaches to thinking. By the time they reach adulthood, very few retain the capability of thinking outside the box.

The mass media is also culpable for bringing individuals to the same level as they have considerable influence on the development of one's beliefs. Due to the mass-media's promotion on consumerism and glamorous lifestyles, most young people learn to place value on material possessions rather than spirituality.

To conclude, well-adjusted older members of society are more dependable and dutiful than children. However, many of them have lost part of their identity as a price to conform to society's norms.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 9, 2014   #2
The greatest lesson children need to be taught is howto appreciate co-existence and co-operate cooperation with others.Very youngYoung children are rather self-centredcentered, but, as they grow up, they acquire the ability to consider others' interests as well as their own.

The greatest lesson children need to be taught is how to co-exist and co-operate with others. Very young children are rather self-centred, but, as they grow up, they acquire the ability to consider others' interests as well as their own. They also learn to take on more responsibility, so that by adulthood most children mature into reliable individuals with a well-developed sense of duty.

Include more specific examples to back your reasoning.
You write very well :)
OP larkkk 1 / 1  
Mar 9, 2014   #3
Thank you, Pahan and dumi.
I do feel that it would be better with more examples and two longer paragraphs instead of three shorter ones.
My ambition is to get 8, but it is a long way to go. I've already written a few dozen essays, but it may take a lot more to reach my goal. Luckily, I'm doing this just to improve my English, so there's no hurry.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 9, 2014   #4
Well, it is not actually about the length of your paras. It is about the contents. In your body paras, make sure you have a reason to justify your position and a specific example to back that reason . The size of your body paras seems fine. However, you can make it just 2 body paras, instead of three, that may help you with managing time. You write well and with some improvement on structure, you can reach your desired band :)


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