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Children are less creative than 10 years ago due to technology


Luxemburgo_T 1 / 1  
Aug 21, 2015   #1
Would you please correct the grammar, speeling and other mistakes.

Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.

Previously children used to play with toes, cars and table games and it improved their imaginations. For example, when I did not have some toes to play I used to pretend that pieces of rocks would be a new character and it help me to improve my imagination. On the other hand, nowadays, children are used playing with technologic games that do not push their imagination. Besides that, they are spending more times in social media.

First, I am certain that traditional games that was famous about 10 year ago pushed more the imagination of the child than actual games. When I was young, I used to play table games, play with toes and cars and my sister used to play with dolls. For example, I remember when was playing with my toes I would open my imagination and invent some stories and new character to then while I was playing, to clarify, I vividly remmember searching pieces of rocks in order to mount a new character witch I used to call "Rockman".

Second, nowadays social medias took place of traditional games. Nowadays children want to look more mature than they really are and because of that they are using social media earlier. For instance, I have a cousin who has 13 years old and prefer to be on Facebook than go to the beach. I am sure that going to the beach develops creativity because he would see different landcapes, waves, mountains, and meet people by person as well.

We can draw the conclusion that traditional games such as table games, toes (or dolls) and cars stimulate much more the imagination, and consequently make children more creativity. Besides that, nowadays children prefer to stay home and communicate with social media than meet people by face to face.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 21, 2015   #2
I can help you with your essay. I think there is an error with spelling throughout the essay. Change toes to toys.

Part of the second sentence in the essay should read: "...play, I used to pretend that pieces of rocks would be a new character and it helped me to improve my imagination."

3rd sentence: "..today children are playing more with technological games..."

4th sentence: Use a different transition word to begin your sentence: "In addition" and change the end of the sentence to "on social media".

2nd paragraph:
1st sentence: Change was to "were".
2nd sentence: Place a comma after cars
3rd sentence: There is a missing word and two sentences need to be formed: "For example, I remember when I was playing with my toys, I would open my imagination and invent some stories and new characters to then while I was playing. To clarify, I vividly remember searching for pieces of rocks in order to mount a new character which..."

4th sentence: I am going to suggest replacing nowadays with "today" throughout this essay because it is an informal use of today. This sentence would read: "Second, today social media has replaced traditional games".

The next few sentences in this paragraph seem to be another aspect of social media instead of children being less creative. In your discussion you focus on games. If you want to include it you could discuss how children are more interested in their social status on social media than traditional games. I would also emphasize on the beach participating in activities such as building a sand castle, looking for sea shells, etc.

3rd paragraph: "Therefore, we can draw the conclusion that traditional games such as table games, toys and cars can stimulate the imagination much more and make children more creative." "However, today children are preferring...meet people face to face"
Aubreythefruit 5 / 8 4  
Aug 21, 2015   #3
Hi! I will try my best to help...
Previously children used to play with toes, cars and table games and it improved their imaginations.
Did you mean toys instead of toes ?

For example, when I did not have some toes to play I used to pretend that pieces of rocks would be a new character and it help me to improve my imagination.

This sentence is very cumbersome. I would write it, "When I did not have any toes (toys?) to play with as a child, I would pretend rocks were action figures. This improved my imagination."

On the other hand, nowadays, children are used playing with technologic games that do not push their imagination. Besides that, they are spending more times in social media.

I would just cut out "on the other hand" like above and make nowadays the start of your sentence.
"are used playing" should be just play
"technologic" should be computer
(or just say technology instead of "technologic games" and change "that do not" to that does not)

You should say something more along the lines of, "Today's generation of kids is spending more time on social media."

First, I am certain that traditional games that was famous about 10 year ago pushed more the imagination of the child than actual games. When I was young, I used to play table games, play with toes and cars and my sister used to play with dolls.

Why are you saying first? I see later you also say "second." What's the reason for numbering reasons? Are you trying to prove your point? You need a sentence in your starting paragraph that tells the reader "Technology has made kids less creative. Here's why:" and then you may use "first" and "second". Until then, numbering reasons (or even providing reasons) doesn't make sense.

Traditional games that waswere famous
Are the games only ten years old? You should tell the reader from what generation they're from. For example, if you're talking about "Transformers" you mights say the 1970's.

"pushed the imagination more than today's games do." would work better.
"Actual games?" Are you implying today's games aren't real games? If so, use that. Say in another sentence following this one, "It's like this generation's games aren't even real in comparison to computer games."

I would just say "toys" instead of "table games, toys, and cars". You already told the reader in the first paragraph what you played with as a kid.

For example, I remember when was playing with my toes I would open my imagination and invent some stories and new character to then while I was playing, to clarify, I vividly remmember searching pieces of rocks in order to mount a new character witch I used to call "Rockman".

I would cut out the first part of the sentence and revise it like so:
For example, I remember when was playing with my toes I would open my imagination and invent some stories and new character to then while I was playing, to clarify, I vividly remmember
playing with my toys and searching pieces of rocks in order to mount a new character witch I used to call "Rockman".

The green highlighted words/phrases are errors:
Remmember is spelled remember
Mount should be make
witch should be who
The red highlights in the sentence are phrases that should be added.

Second, nowadays social medias took place of traditional games. Nowadays children want to look more mature than they really are and because of that they are using social media earlier. For instance, I have a cousin who has 13 years old and prefer to be on Facebook than go to the beach. I am sure that going to the beach develops creativity because he would see different landcapes, waves, mountains, and meet people by person as well.

Unless you address the "first and second" issue I talked about above, I would remove the word "second"
"took" should be "take"
Don't reuse the phrase "nowadays". You already established in the previous sentence that you're talking about this day and age.
"instance" should be example.
Ahhhhh, I see. Your first language is Spanish, isn't it? You've done very well so far. Si tengas mas preguntas, envieme un correo electronico a sister_sister_foundation@ .... o envieme una repuesta aquí.

In English, we say "I have a cousin who is 13 years old" not "has 13 years"
Say, "who would be on Facebook than be at the beach."
Instead of " I am sure that going to the beach develops creativity because he would see different landcapes, waves, mountains, and meet people by person as well" say, "Going to the beach, or anywhere outside of the house, develops creativity because you can see different landscapes, waves, and mountains. While there, you can also meet new people."


We can draw the conclusion that traditional games such as table games, toes (or dolls) and cars stimulate much more the imagination, and consequently make children more creativity. Besides that, nowadays children prefer to stay home and communicate with social media than meet people by face to face.

Again, toes instead of toys. I would say, "table games, toys, dolls, and cars"
remove "the" from the phrase, "the imagination."
make children "more creativity" should be "more creative"

The last sentence, "Besides that, nowadays children prefer to stay home and communicate with social media than meet people by face to face." isn't necessary. I would remove it.

There you go! Hasta luego!
Aubrí
OP Luxemburgo_T 1 / 1  
Aug 22, 2015   #4
Thanks Aubreythefruit. Your comments were really useful to me. By the way, my native language is portuguese, which derivate from spanish. Similarly spanish speakers we make that same mistake as well.


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