Both sets of people have their bases which are explained in succeeding paragraphs.
What is your opinion about this ? It is better you state it in the introduction. Apart from that point, this is a very good introduction.
Firstly, those who advocate that salaried job for juveniles is unfair put forward the argument that studies of the working children are affected while they work in parallel with their school or college life.
This sentence is too very long and therefore it has lesser clarity. Write simple and interesting sentences. Do not cramp up sentences with too many ideas.
First, those who oppose children engaged in part time jobs argue that it is a distraction for the studies of such children and they may not perform with studies.For instance, it is an acceptable fact that time management and the balance between work and studies are not an easy task even for the adults, so to expect it from the children would be a tough task. In addition, the work offered to young ones' is of no value for their future life. For example, janitors, helpers and other such petty roles are presented
Give a specific example for this. It is much more effective than giving more and more facts because examples are powerful in convincing the reader.