Hello guys. I'm currently working on ielts preparation, especially i'm focusing on task 2. However, I'm facing some difficulties in trying to well organize my essays. I will post an example of an essay I have recently wrote, in order to understand how can I improve my writing. Thank you very much.
helping kids to learn and understand the world
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matter that affect them.
Education of children has always been a crucial topic. Some people argue that it is important to concede them a certain independence regarding choices about their lives, contrastingly others believe that if those were free to satisfy all their own decisions this would dramatically affect their behaviour as adults, resulting in a society characterized by individuals poor of values. I genially belive that children have to follow certain indications rather than act completely free in order to make the right decisions.
Children need a guide during the first years of their childhood, likewise, a ship needs a lighthouse to point the right direction in a storm, someone who can drive them to the adolescence, without leaving to themselves the burden of growing alone. Without any experiences, a little child is obviously not able to discriminate between what can be positive or negative for him and will be unconsciously attracted mostly by what he believes to be good. Furthermore, it has been proved that youngsters left alone, able to choose how to dress, what to eat without a clear reference, are most likely to develop a less-social behaviour along with remarkable cognitive problems. This is what emerged from a recent report, extracted from a paper published in 2018, in Nature Health.
On the other hand, many outlined that children need a certain independence. It's only by making their own decisions that those can develop a strong personality and a critical attitude, which will help them to survive once adults. However, although it has been demonstrated that children learn by themselves what they prefer or what they don't, this does not imply that they are able to always embrace a good choice. For instance, children often prefer to eat non-healthy food like chocolates or candies rather than vegetables or fruits thus potentially developing health problems.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that children need an external support that can help them to learn and understand how the world behaves, in order to avoid making wrong decisions that potentially could lead to serious drawbacks.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4786 I can see where your problem is coming from. You are writing way too many words for the Task 2 essay. You cannot write 340 words within 40 minutes using the pencil test. You might be able to type that many words in the CBT, but you should not be doing that just the same. You have to limit yourself to 275-290 words. That is the word range that allows you to clearly present your discussion or opinion to the examiner. That is achieved through a proper brainstorming and drafting of your written presentation.
Break down the original prompt so that you can figure out the required elements of the discussion. A typical outline would be:
- Discussion topic
- Reason / Points of view
- Discussion instruction
You have to spend at least 10 minutes on your brainstorming task. For this essay the brainstorm would have been outlined as:
Topic: Children should be allowed to make their own choices
Point of view 1: results in self centered children
Point of view 2: children need to learn to make decisions about matters that affect them
Personal point of view: children have to follow certain indications rather than act completely free in order to make the right decisions.
As you can see, when you take the time to analyze the discussion and pluck out the important discussion points, the essay practically writes itself. The elements of each paragraph presentation becomes clear within the outline, all you have to do is outline it then expand on the discussion. The discussion, based on the public opinion and personal point of view should be no more than 3-5 sentences.
Avoid any and all references to published information. Not only will that make your work longer, but you will also not be following the standard discussion instruction for the task 2 essay which is to use public knowledge and personal opinions or experiences only. The idea it to show that you have the ability to use only limited knowledge in an effective manner. You do not have to write a long essay, you just need to write a coherent essay that follows the discussion instructions. By outlining and brainstorming your content before you write, you can achieve a better essay presentation which is cohesive, coherent, and well within the advised word count.
