Children should mix? - IELTS Writing Task 2

Task:
It is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My work:
The diversity of students in talents, specialities or social atmospheres has led to the belief that a general categorization of students' abilities is necessary to promote their growth. While there are good reasons behind this argument, others believe the lack of such combinations will be unbeneficial to a child's mental development. In my opinion, however, while I agree with the latter statement, I also believe that there are possible risks in a socially diverse environment that might be unbeneficial to the parties involved for the following reasons.

First and foremost, on the one hand, school is often the place where students are prepared and equipped with many desirable skills to qualify for life. Therefore, it is advantageous for educational institutions to host classes with diverse cultural profiles to create the circumstances for children to interact and befriend others from a wide range of cultures and capabilities, helping them to strengthen their proficiency in many essential skills, for instance, communication and adaption. Additionally, students from such mixed settings will benefit considerably from the cooperation from each other, as they assist each other with their strengths and weaknesses, working together to refine themselves and achieve their goals. In short, a diverse community will develop an individual with well-rounded capacities.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the diversity of individuals' experiences and masteries might result in an inadequateness for a focused environment for a particular subject since it is improbable to have a group of shared enthusiasm from random origins. This could be undesirable for students with ambition for a high level of understanding of a curriculum, as they might want to find companions with similar interests to practice with. Moreover, it would be more practical for students to delve into subjects they are familiar with rather than forcing them to mindlessly trying at a course they are unsuitable in, in order to make use of their talents. To clarify these points, the German education system allows the divergent of the system to effectively utilize each and every participant's talents after providing the basic foundation. This provides the students with the best of both worlds, as they can both have the broad and immersive knowledge necessary to aid them in their lives.

In conclusion, the importance of a diverse education environment is unquestionable in order to improve the aspect of social skills for learners. However, a concentrated education is also crucial to students' welfare. As such, it is advisable to according to a student's mastership and desires before placing him in an appropriate circumstance.

The essay is too long. You cannot complete this within a 40 minute time frame, There should only be a 300 word maximum presentation for this task. While I understand that you chose to write a long essay to help you better explain your ideas and opinions, you really overdid it in this task. You focused on simply writing words, trying to sound hyper intelligent in the essay. The result was a wordy, but not necessarily clear discussion presentation. You see, the more you write, the more you try to explain in detail, the more prone to error you will become. That is why you should keep it short at 5 sentence per paragraph. You do not need to explain in detail, a simple presentation will suffice. It is actually the word count that is most detrimental to this presentation as it lowered the scores per rubic throughout the writing.