The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.
Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The rate of childhood obesity has become one important issue around the world especially in western hemisphere. In addition to, the growing of this problem has gone up about 20% in the last decade. There is no doubt that the main causes of childhood obesity are an unhealthy diet and lack of physical activity. Thus, this affects the rising children suffering from diseases caused by obesity.
It is clear that the lifestyle changes combined with the junk food advertisements have changed the way children consume. The study showed 1 in 5 age-school children in western countries eats up to six snacks a day. In the other point, watching television, playing computer game, or using social media is the other matter making children very prone to obese disease. The recent study presents that some children have spent their time for doing passive activities up to 7.5 hours a day. As a result, children would obtain more calories than their body needs owing to these causes.
Consequently, children with obesity are at increased risk of acute and chronic medical problems for instance diabetes mellitus, heart disease, cholesterol, and other chronic illnesses. In addition, childhood obesity also has psychosocial consequences such as low self-esteem and depression. Based on current study, obese children would have a similar quality of life as kids with cancer. Hence, these problems are also related to decreased life expectancy.
In conclusion, the rate of obese children in western society has risen up to 20% in this decade. This is caused by many reasons such as consuming fast food too much and doing more passive activities. Therefore, children with obesity would easily suffer a lot of chronic diseases and damaging psychosocial effects. (282 words)
Hi Ilham..
Welcome to Essay Forum.
I am pleased to read your writing since this is free of a large number of the grammar errors, except the use of the article (For example; playing A computer game). Besides that, you harnessed varied words to describe your mind. However, let me help you finalizing this writing so that you can get the higher score in this section.
Turning to the body paragraph, you did not have the strong sentences to support your opinion. Well, you gave the data of the study to encourage, but it is not detailed. I mean that you did not mention where and when the study is conducted. All of your examples seemed the fake information. On condition that it happens in the real test, you cannot get the score more than 6.
On the other hand, your data was not relevant to your opinion
You said thatchildren with obesity are at increased risk of acute and chronic medical problems for instance diabetes mellitus, heart disease, cholesterol, and other chronic illnesses. In addition, childhood obesity also has psychosocial consequences such as low self-esteem and depression.
However, your data is about the similar life of obesity children.
I hope you are going to sharpen your opinion next time.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
Hi Ilham, as I go through the essay, I believe you were able to address the argument clearly, you have properly elaborated the causes of the issue at hand. You managed to create that analysis that is understandable and this is a good way of sending your message across to your readers.
Moreover, the flow or the transition of the essay is well placed in a way that there is a connection of ideas from the beginning of the essay and throughout the entire article.
Indeed, obesity is an issue that is weighing heavily on a lot of families all over the world and it's one of the many diseases that we need to deal with, as soon as possible, otherwise, the consequences will be devastating.
Overall, the essay has clarity of information, the analysis you made is accurate in giving the information that is very relevant to the study, you focused on the necessary and pertinent information that elaborately showcased the purpose of the essay.
