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[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] The effect of professional sports on children

mabel111 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2023   #1
In today's modern lifestyle, there is growing concern about the level of respect and admiration given to professional sports, particularly amongst young children. While there is no denying that the high stakes of professional athletics have brought about guaranteed futures, prosperous living standards, and notability for many individuals, there are also negative effects to consider. Professional sports can have a detrimental impact on the physical, psychological, and emotional well-being of children.

One of the major drawbacks of participating in a specialized sport is the risk of injury to children's bodies. Young athletes often push themselves to the limit with intensive training tools in order to reach a higher level of performance, which can lead to serious problems. Due to their developing bones, children are particularly vulnerable to fractures, which can impede their progress towards advanced opportunities. Moreover, the pressure to excel in a particular field can cause undue stress and even negatively impact a child's mental well-being.

Participating in professional sports can also impact psychological and emotional well-being. The intense pressure from coaches, families, and peers can take a toll on a child's emotions. Additionally, striving to always be at the top of or losing their matches can hinder a young athlete's logical thinking. Without proper parental guidance, the character-building progress of young athletes may lead to anxiety, insecurity, and depression, and they may even behave in inappropriate ways. Over-practicing can also lead to detrimental habits such as cutting back on sleep, skipping meals, and neglecting their surroundings, which can contribute to feelings of depression.

In conclusion, while there are certainly benefits to attending professional sports events, there are also a multitude of drawbacks. Overpracticing can have severe physical consequences for children, and the high demands and peer pressure can negatively impact their mental health. Sports should be viewed as a means of fostering children's physical and mental wellbeing rather than as a means of measuring their strength and abilities.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,662 4753  
Dec 3, 2023   #2
You should not have began to present your personal opinions about the discussion in the first paragraph. That would result in a failing score for the preliminary TA section. The first paragraph should only be a prompt restatement and a simple writer's opinion presentation. It should not have been a threshed out discussion like you presented above. It was too soon to do that. It did not follow the expected response format. So that paragraph would end up receiving a failing score. That means, even though you wrote more than 300 words, there is a high possibility that you will not get a passing score for this essay. The basis of the failing score will be the incorrect response format in the first paragraph.

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