hey everyone :) this is my new essay therefore i hope for comment and score prediction for this IELTS part 2. Thank you.
Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.
What are the negative and positive impacts of playing games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
Many people in the various ages use computer for different purposes. For the children, they tend to use computer for playing games. Even though playing games have predominantly negative effects, it is evident that there are rigorous solutions to deal with. In addition, there is a positive effect which will be enclosed in this essay.
Children have a tendency to play games more than studying. This is because there are a paradigm in the most of the children that playing games is an interesting activity while they assume that studying is a bored one. Taking research from faculty of neurology at University of Oxford as a reference, the researcher found that children's brains show immense amount of serotonin while playing games 3 times more than studying. As an additional information, an imminent frequency is revealed by their brain while they learn about lesson book in a school. Resulting to this, it is clear that why children have a predilection to play games more than study whereas studying at school hold an important role as their primary education.
However, games train children to solve the problems quickly. The reason is, while playing games they are insisted to break the high level of difficulty in every section of the game, For instance, I personally experienced that sort of games such as Grand Theft Auto was demanding us to think hurriedly or killed by the enemies. As a result, children will learn about strategy and motoric skills which are useful when they encounter a real life. Additionally, I believe that games constitute many positive effects. Despite there are negative effects, it will be minimize by sort of actions Such as the parent's supervision. That is why parents hold the important role to cope with the negative effects. Parents could make a schedule to manage the amount of playing time for children so the negative effects will be solved preventively.
As a summary, although children have a tendency to play games more than studying, parents could tackle this problem with scheduling time for playing games. The positive effect such as train the children to solve the problem instantly could be extracted from playing games.
Furqanda, if you wish to know your prediction score for this essay, I would be really glad to assess your writing based on writing band descriptors of IELTS task 2, especially in terms of Task Response. Commonly, there are four essential criteria that should be fulfilled properly by IELTS candidate. I decided to give you only one of them in order to make you think like an examiner by matching this essay into band descriptors. You can check the detailed assessment below:
Task Response
- There are two major questions in this essay. First, it is about positive and negative impacts, and second, it is about solution(s). It is unfortunate that you accidentally addressed these questions improperly. This was because you had decided to separate positive and negative into different paragraphs, which then the solution was only discussed in the last two sentences of your third paragraph. It was somehow considered as an imbalance portion of discussion. Therefore, it made your score in this part cannot go over 6.0, or even in the worst case, at roughly 5.5.
My suggestion for your development is that you need to fully understand the question first, and then create a well-organized plan. In your case, when the questions were more than one, I suggest you to classify first, what is actually the major concern of these questions. Somehow, it is really tricky. Thus, this essay should look like the following descriptions:
1st question
- What are the negative and positive impacts of playing games?
1st answer (1st body paragraph)
- negative argument(s) = 1st sentence
- explanation (including example) = 2nd sentence
- positive argument(s) = 3rd sentence
- explanation (including example) = 4th sentence
- wrap it all up in the last sentence (concluding sentence). = 5th sentence
2nd question
- What can be done to minimize the bad effects?
2nd answer (2nd body paragraph)
- 1st negative effect (you can take from previous paragraph, and paraphrase it) and solution
- explanation about the solution (including example(s))
- 2nd negative effect (you can take from previous paragraph, and paraphrase it) and solution
- further explanation about the solution (including example(s))
- summarize all of those sentences in 1 last sentence
As you can see, 5 or 6 sentences are adequately covered all the questions in each body paragraph. I hope you can follow through the feedback given. Good Luck for the next practice :)
