Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Task 2 - Children Get More Pressure in This Era



Inastia47 7 / 10  
Mar 14, 2016   #1
Today's children are living under more pressure from the society than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

In this modern era, competition among children is getting tougher. So, the kids' life is not as enjoyable as in the past to satisfy their parents' desire. I really believe that they get more stress than children in the previous generation, and there is suggestion to make comfortable situation for them.

This is no doubt that parents more enforce their children in order to reach the good future. They decide the children future based on their experience and society condition. Get a good score in school become a measurement, so student have to learn as much as possible every day. Besides academic achievement, join extracurricular and some courses is done by kids to improve soft skill also enrich the capability. These all parents do without asking their children, they don't know what the kids really want to do, it makes they can't enjoy their childhood. It was different with people in previous era which the competition is not as tight as now.

Although parents pressure their children, it is all they do because they want the best of the kids. Parents think that study is much better than do online activities such as social media and games. They don't want to their child access the bad sites or becoming a game addict. So, parent trying to keep their kids away from danger possibility by extending their child's positive activity. It is also to prepare children for global competition in future.

To sum up, although parents pressure their children for the child goodness, I totally agree that kids today's get more enforcement from their parents. Impose the parents desire is bad for children, so parent have to care about their children enthusiasm to maximize their ability which can support their future.

nida26 30 / 19  
Mar 14, 2016   #2
Hello Inastia. Your writing is good. I want to check your writing. Please correct me, if I have mistakes

Your Introduction:
In this modern era, competition among children ...

In my opinion, you have missed the coherence of your introduction between your first sentence and second sentence.
Here is my suggestion for your introduction:


In this modern era, the society has high expectations and hopes for their children. The society will give more emphasis for the young generation to fulfill their desires. However, I strongly believe that today's children get more stress than in several decades ago.

Thank you


Home / Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Children Get More Pressure in This Era
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳