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NOWADAYS, SOME PARENTS PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEIR CHILDREN.


ashley_pham 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2021   #1
stressful life of today's kids

It is true that in recent years, some parents have placed a burden on their children. In my opinion, there are a variety of motives surrounding this idea, mainly because of a universal desire to see their children succeed and I believe this situation can lead to positive influence, both on personal and social developments to some extent.

To begin, it is easily noticeable that parents make their kids under a lot pressure as a way to help them achieve their goals. For example, by being forced to get into the habit of studying on a daily basis from a young age, children will be more likely to have a better future and recognition in the society. This is based on the fact that since such children are aware of the importance of learning, they would prefer spend part of their valuable time on doing homework rather than constantly play video games. Undoubtedly, with their hard work earlier in life, they will have a higher chance to get a dream job and progress up the ladder at a later stage of life.

Therefore, I am of the opinion that not only families but also the society can benefit from this trend. On a personal level, this helps to form an environment motivating children to reach their full potential as a student, which lays the foundation for them when they go to work in the future. On a societal level, this will result in a well-educated workforce and in turn a more productive and prosperous nation. On the other hand, I do think that parents should not put too much pressure on them in order to avoid counter effects. This is particularly the case for Korea, where mothers always make their children study regardless of day or night, resulting in a dramatical rise in suicide levels in adolescents.

In conclusion, from my perspective, everything parents do, including putting pressure on their kids, is just to ensure their youngsters have a successful career. However, only if they do it in a moderate way will it have merits on both their children and society.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3858  
Nov 22, 2021   #2
It is true that in recent years

This is not a part of the orginal topic presentation. The writer must keep his opinion to himself because there is no reason for a personal opinion to be presented. The truth or falsity of the statement is not in question. Avoid topic alterations as these are score deductions.

desire to see their children succeed and I believe

One idea per sentence. Only related topics or ideas should be in one sentence. Obviously, your direct question response should be found in a seperate sentence.

On the other hand, I do think that parents should not put too much pressure

This is a topic question response deviation. The first half of the paragraph supports the write' rs opinion. This portion does not. This discussion will not be scored as it does not properly support the earlier thesis statement.All discussions must support and focus on the question being asked.

I believe that the writer just got confused with regards to better connecting his explanation opinions. The error was caused by a faulty cohesive presentation within the paragraph.


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