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Many children in several countries spend much time in the workplace instead of being at school


ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many children spend much time in the workplace than studying in the school in several countries. Some people believe that it is false step for children, while others say it is pivotal for the future. I am more likely to believe that children are not only ready in mentality but also in physics to deal with trouble in the workplace although valuable work experience would be gained by children taking a part-time job.

It is generally believed that to survive in a company require strong physical and mental, but children do not have them. if they are forced to take a chance of working while they are studying will suffer a mental disorder. for instance, Japan educational council released the result of a survey in 2005 that showed almost 40% of working children suffered anomaly-mental. However, I claim that this problem should not be people main concern as the proper guidance of the workplace would lead them to avoid problem in the working place, forcing them to think hard.

On the other hand, when children decided to take a half-time job, the precious experience will be obtained for preparing in the future. this is due to the fact that children met other employees and gain much experience. For example, a current survey conducted by the ministry of education shows that approximately 75% of students as workers has a quick adaptation in the workplace.it is noticeable that students with half-time in school have higher achievement than students who have full time in the school since they have skill for problem solving.

In conclusion, although some people think that children who have experience in the workplace is a good choice, this essay tend to talk about children have to focus on their study. This is due to the fact that the lack of mental and physic in children to face with hardness world of job, even though benefit experience can reach easily. I recommended parents should give more concern on their children so that have a better future.
inav321 6 / 37  
Oct 22, 2016   #2
if they are forced to take a chance of working while they are studying will suffer a mental disorder.
Are you trying to say >>If children are forced to work and study at the same time ,they can suffer from mental disorders??
kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

In conclusion, although some people think that children who have experience in the workplace ... should be
In conclusion, although some people think that it is a good choice for children to have work experience earlier, this essay tend to determine it is best for children to stay focus on their study.

This is due to the fact that the lack of mental and physic in children to face with hardness world of job, even though benefit experience can reach easily. should be

This is due to the fact that their mental and physic are not yet ready to face the work life even though they can have some benefit experience from it.

I recommended parents should give more concern on their children so that have a better future. should be

I would like to recommend parents to increase their concern to their children towards this issue so that they will have a better future.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #4
HI Riandi, here's another one from my end;

- On the other hand, when childrena minor decided
- to take a half-timepart time job,
- the precious experience will be obtained for preparingthat will prepare them in the future,
- this is due to the fact that childrenthis minors met
- It is noticeable that students
- with half-time in schoolpart time job have higher
- achievement than students who havehas full time
- in the schoolstudies since they have developed a skill forin problem solving.

There you have it Riandi, for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs as well as the forms of the words that you incorporate in your sentences as this will have an overall impact in your essay. I hope the above corrections help in your revision and I will try to come back for the rest of the paragraph.


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