Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why? This is posive or negative?

In the computer age, lots of advanced technology be invented that is so convenient for everyone. Besides, the problems of using technology increase considerably. Some children spending hours everyday on their smartphones is a big deal that any parents care. I believe that if children know how to use smartphones in right way, they can learn lots of things from it. So spending more time to use smartphone be negative or positive depend on the way people using it.

Smartphone has a lot of convenience. We can play video game, chat with friends, watch movie, ... These conveniences are the main reason make children spend more time on their smartphones.

On the one hand, using phone for suffering social media all day is extremely negative. This make people feel tired because of doing nothing for hours. At that time, the brain doesn't do anything. It only watch short video without any purposes. The same as playing video game for hours. However, this is better than suffering social media. The brain has task to do in that game but playing game more make people addicted, especially children. Therefore, we should read books, do exercises, learn something new, hang out, ... instead of doing that negative things hours a day.

However, using smartphone is not completely negative. Smartphone is a big sourse of knowleges, news, books, ... Using phone to study with friends through google meet or zoom that make people don't feel alone and increasing productivity. Books or courses can be found on the phone without spending money. Therefore, we can learn lots of knowleges through using phone. The last one is expanding relationship. Smartphones help people easily to make new friends on social media.

Overall, spending more time on smartphones depends on the way people using it. I believe is using smartphone in the right way, we can change my life and become a better version.

This is a hanging sentence. What are you trying to say? What is the actual point of your thought? The idea has been started, but not completely presented. Always complete your thought process. This might make sense in your native tongue, but it does not hold any sense in English.


This is a very badly developed sentence that is enough to earn you a failing GRA preliminary score. You need to learn to think in English and present complete and clear ideas in English. This sentence will negatively affect your GRA and C+C scores.


You cannot say this. The whole point of the task is to show that there is a point of view that you support. A singular point of view. This is not a comparison essay. That is not how the writing instruction is structured. Since you are not writing based upon the expected presentation format, the essay will automatically receive a failing score.

On the one hand, using phone for suffering social media all day is extremely negative.

This sentence convey general meaning and it is unclear, litterally. Suffer social media? Do you refer to "suffer from bad news from social media" or anything, it should be stated clearly.

To sum it up, you should focus on improving grammar, clarity, and structure of your essay. Simple spelling mistakes throughout the essay, sentences not structured properly, and sentences not having a clear and concise message.

"Some children spending hours everyday on their smartphones is a big deal that any parents care." I think this can modify to make it more formal
Many children spend hours on their smartphones, which is considered as critical issue.

"Using phone to study with friends through google meet or zoom that make people don't feel alone and increasing productivity. Books or courses can be found on the phone without spending money. "
This is a good review