CHILDREN AND TV vs. SPENDING TIME OUTDOORS

Dear all,

Kindly review/comment/correct the essay written in 40mins under exam-like condition. Many thanks.

Regards,
New Learner

Research shows that children spend more hours in front of the TV rather than playing outdoors. What are the reasons for this development? What measures could be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors.

Studies have revealed that kids are spending more time on screens and less time playing outside. In the following essay, some reasons will be mentioned and some solutions to this phenomenon will be put forward to address this problem.
There are several reasons why this phenomenon occurs in modern life, but these two are the primary ones. The first cause is lacking of play areas. The more society develops, the more buildings are built. The government focuses too much on constructing hospitals, schools, skyscrapers,...Children don't have enough space to play outside because of the large amount of land that these types of construction occupy.
Another point that should be taken into account is parents' busy schedule. Parents today have to work really hard at work to give their family the greatest possible living conditions, when they come back home, there is still much housework that needs to be done. As a result, parents don't have time for themselves let alone playing with their children.
Since children's screen time has risen at an alarming rate, some measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time outdoors. First, the community should organize some events or outdoor activities regularly. The community should run a variety of advertisement campaigns to attract as many children as possible. A second measure would be educating the children about the bad effects of watching TV as well as the positive effects of playing outdoors. The school and parents could have worked together more to help kids understand the value of playing outside.
In conclusion, urbanization and the lack of parents' time are the two main reasons for the rise in children's screen time. If the community and parents don't want to ruin the next generation, they must take action right away to solve this issue.

The writer's opinion did not meet the task accuracy requirements of the presentation. You only repeated the required information for the reader instead of creating the necessary thesis statement that would have proven that you understood the writing requirements for the succeeding paragraphs. The TA score for this essay will not be a passing one in terms of preliminary scoring. Next time provide a concise response by using a thesis statement.


Use anchor or subject sentences. Do not waste time extending the essay with just word fillers. Every word you type must be in an effort to respond to the question. Not just meet the word count. Meeting the word count, but not actually saying anything of substance will not help you get a higher score.