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IELTS-Task 2: children should take formal training to become good parents


lourance 2 / 2  
Oct 5, 2014   #1
Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Certain individuals consider that children should be formally trained at school to be efficient parents. However, I strongly believe that children should concentrate on their education rather than to learn adult matters.

Children should be given a formal training because of many reasons. One of these reasons is they acquire ability to overcome certain problems that they probably encounter them during parenthood. Deviant behaviour of their subsequent generations is one of the issues that are taught by children in the training. Consequently, they will be able to produce well educated generations as well as the rate of crimes and violence will be dramatically reduced in their societies. Another reason is they gain experience to raise their subsequent generations in a proper way. Certain parents use violent technique to raise their children. However, it is inappropriate method to raise children because it creates mental and psychological problems to their sons. In training, children will be taught to avoid this technique so that they will produce generations with well psychological and mental health. Formal training in school has a great benefit to children to be efficient parents.

However, early responsibility is taught to a child to become efficient parent is ineffective method. There are several factors reinforce this principle. First, when certain children become adult, they will be sterile. Therefore, children learn in school how to become efficient parents are unsuccessful approach. Another factor is Upbringing of sons always require Continuous monitoring. Some teenagers have curiosity to experiment new objects such as drugs and alcohol. Therefore, parents should monitor their adolescent's behaviours regularly to avoid them get involved in crimes as well as substance abuse. School is inappropriate setting to educate children to be efficient parents.

To summarize, school is not inappropriate setting to teach children how they become adequate parents. it should be a place to teach children how they achieve their future aspirations.

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Oct 5, 2014   #2
Lourance, I agree with your statement that children should concentrate on their education rather than becoming good parents through school training. Sadly, your discussion of the matter is not only confusing, but the information you provide as evidence is questionable.

You failed to consider that at a certain point, sexual curiosity will set in for them and experimentation can lead to unexpected pregnancies. So perhaps, you should slant this essay instead to say children should concentrate on their education but the teenagers, who are still children themselves, but are already enrolled in mandatory sex education classes, should be trained to become good parents just in case.

There are two sides to this issue, the children, and the teenager side. The children side does not need the training to become parents. The soon to be sexually active or already sexually active teens need this kind of training however, in order to drive home the point of their sex education and responsible sex lessons. You say that the school is not the proper place to learn about becoming a good parent. Yet you do not mention where you think such training can and should be obtained? Is this something that you believe parents should hand down to their children like a family heirloom? Or should they simply learn by experience after the unexpected pregnancy?

Try revising the essay using the point of view and information I suggested then compare the two papers. Observe which has the better argument then post it here for more reviews :-)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,197 459  
Oct 6, 2014   #3
Certain individuals consider that children should be formally trained at school to be efficient parents. However, I strongly believe that children should concentrate on their education rather than to learn adult matters.

You write well. However, if you could, then present a hook, attracting readers' attention. Background information retrieved from the hook is written prior to the claim. For this question, let me give a try:

Parenting is hard to master. For this reason, some people argue that children should be taught to be good parents by sending them to school's formal training. While this helps schoolchildren understand how to make responsible choices in family structure, I would argue that children should cogitate about how to gain academic attainments instead of learning this issue.
OP lourance 2 / 2  
Oct 6, 2014   #4
vangiespen

It is my pleasure to see your criticisms. they are precious, so i will try to apply them

Many thanks to you
OP lourance 2 / 2  
Oct 6, 2014   #5
eddies

your feedback is unique and professional. I will try to apply it in my next easy.

Thank you a lot


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