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Clothing and health care expenses are not so big as expenditures for food, transportation, housing

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 30, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The given bar chart indicates the amount of expenses spent on five common daily need categories in four different countries in 2009. It is measured by percentage. At a glance, apart from Japan, all figures contribute their shares to housing meanwhile health care and clothing seized the least earnings.

The data shows that American, Canadian and British spent their money mostly on housing where in United States people contributed over a quarter of their money and were the major contributor whereas in United Kingdom and Canada, the societies contributed approximately 24% and 21% respectively. By contrast, Japanese spent their money only 22% for housing but 23% on food. Next, transportation and food run after housing where except Japan in food, all countries' expenses did not reach over 20%.

Furthermore, all figures agreed to place clothing and health care on the last part of their expenditures. American, Canadian, British and Japanese averagely contributed their money not more than 6% on clothing. Besides, the same case also faced by health care category as people in United States spent only 7%, while in Canada, United Kingdom and also Japan, people's share did not even touch 5%. (193 words)

ainunazwaria 10 / 18 5  
Oct 30, 2016   #2
Hai Hujjatul19

I have some comments about your writing :

The data shows that American, Canadian [...] 24% and 21% respectively. :
1. You write too many words in a sentence. As I know, a sentence ideally consists of ten to fifteen words. As my suggestion, you should divide those words into several sentence.

2. where inUnited States people --> "in" is a preposition and it is referred to place. "United States people" sounds weird. You can use "American" instead of "United States people".


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