Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good...


jhhh11 14 / 30  
Jul 22, 2020   #1
Hi! I am taking my first IELTS test in 2 weeks, please leave some comments! I highly appreciate a detailed band score too.

Thank you for your time and support!

TASK 2: Sports Sponsorship



TOPIC: Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.


WORD COUNT: 276

As the competition between businesses getting more intense over time, so must do their advertising methods. Many companies choose to fund sports as a way to increase their publicity. I think that this is a good strategy, however, some drawbacks should also be weighed.

On the one hand, sports sponsorship has good intentions. Without extra funding, many sports events may have lacked the resource to run, and players receive inadequate support. For that reason, any companies that put the investment into these activities in need easily gain the public's fondness. For instance, Nestle Milo is famous for setting up annual intramural sports games for young Vietnamese. This campaign of Milo has been so successful that the company's image ties a strong bond with many youth athletics activities, and is widely recognized in Vietnam. By reaching a mass audience, Milo escalates its milk sales significantly.

On the other hand, sports advertisement is not suitable for all businesses. Small companies with limited finances may have little impact on an event such that their contributions are not recognized by the public. Furthermore, if their product placements cannot stand-out, small businesses can be lost in the sea of more powerful competitors. To take an example, the large majority of people will recall Red Bull when they think of Formula 1 series. The truth is these racing events are funded by above 20 corporations but all are overwhelmed by the giant drinking company.

To sum up, sports sponsorship by its nature brings benefits to all parties. I support this way of marketing. However, this advertisement strategy does bring some disadvantages as mentioned and should be put into consideration by all corporations.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,584 3758  
Jul 22, 2020   #2
I will not be scoring this essay because the discussion format is incorrect. I believe this is your first time writing a comparative essay with personal opinion. It would not be right for me to score this when you obviously are not familiar with the discussion requirements and format for the essay presentation. Let's get to work on informing you first, then you can write an essay about a different topic, but using the same discussion format. I will score that one instead.

This is a public opinion discussion with a personal point of view. It is a 5 paragraph presentation. The format is:

Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase without the personal opinion
Par. 2: 1st Public POV explanation using gender free / group pronouns
Par. 3: 2nd Public POV presentation, again with gender free / group pronouns
Par. 4: Personal opinion indicating a support for one of the two public opinions presented. Use first person pronouns in this paragraph.
Par. 5: Concluding summary that restates the previous discussion

You have to use the gender free or group pronouns in the first 2 reasoning paragraphs because the discussion focuses on; "Some companies" and "Some people". These indicate public opinion discussion reference points within the essay. You should be able to prove that you understand the topic well enough to explain both sides of the public discussion spectrum. You do that by presenting a general discussion, but referring to group pronouns or, gender free pronouns to make it clear to the reader whose opinion is being addressed in the paragraph.

The 4 paragraph system of discussion is the more common type of discussion format. This one is kind of advanced in presentation which is why I am starting you off on the basic discussion format first. After you become familiar with the discussion style, I can start teaching you the more advanced discussion method. For now, I need you to learn to separate your discussion paragraphs based on specific content first. It is the best way to familiarize yourself with the discussion format.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good...