Comparative between house and dormitory.

Students place to live

Students at universities of ten have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live at home with their parents. There are some differences between dormitory and house such as living expenses, private space, social relationship and the distance to shcool. One noticeable difference between the two places is living expenses. Living in dormitory will have a lot of expenses for example, rent, electricity, water, internet bills can put a ton of financial strain on students. Some students have to work part-time jobs to afford those expenses. In contrast, living with parents at home, students do not need to worry much about living expenses because their parents can help them. Besides, living in dormitory can take away private space because in a room usually have 4 to 8 people that makes it difficult for students to concentrate on studying and resting. It is also impossible to express our voice of points since there are many different opinions in a room. Nevertheless, living in a house is more freedom and privacy. There are no curious eyes from roommates that may bother us.

This discussion should have been divided into 3 parts. One introduction paragraph, another representation paragraph from dorm living, and a separate one for home living. That way all the comparison points and discussion points will be well presented to the reader. This statement feels incomplete. As if you did not really give much thought to writing it, which is why you did not bother to properly format it. A paragraph that has more than 1 topic sentence presented will always be under developed or not fully explained. You need to learn to write paragraphs with 5 sentences each so that you can clearly explain your topic sentences with supporting discussions and examples.

The information presented is good, if you do not consider the improper format. You obviously know what you are talking about and understand the importance of the topic you were given to discuss. Not bad for a practice English writing essay. You just need to properly build up your skills in the next exercise.

@Kimdung

Hello I'm preparing IELTS and I'm just a lerner. However I just found some mistakes in your essay and would like to give you some comments.

1. ..., or they may choose to live at home with their parents. [or at home with their parents]

2.

,

such as living ... to school

3. I think you should separate the essay into several paragraphs to make others understand your opinion easily.

Sincerely,